Delicious-ness

Of all the things that Darren and I make for dinner more than half contain chicken. Tonight it just happend to be Chicken Nachos. Season and grill, arrange chips on a pizza pan, shred chicken, add cheese and bake in oven for melty goodness.

It was good!

hit the spot and of course one of Darren's must meals.

Simple can taste delicious.

Ps Darren just "Yes" (with the hand motion about my

blogging on tonights dinner.)

Now onto dessert, Brownies with Semi-sweet Chocolate chips. Tomorrow night, NO chicken. We will see if I win.

just thoughts

Life is full of "where did that come from?"

Full of "are you sure?"

"would it really be the best?"

And then there are moments, that are full of thoughts, full of "Where does that put me?"

"Is this what I am ready for?"
"Where is the compromise?"

"Do we both win?"

And by win, its not a prize but an opportunity where all parties are completely happy with the decisions made based on a number of variances.

I do not like to disappoint, I also do not like to step on peoples toes/beliefs.  Especially when it a person that is just outside of  understanding me.  We each have a right to be heard and respected. 

I ask myself a lot of where, what, why questions to ensure that I have made the correct decision for myself.

Another thing that I do not understand is dreams.  Especially when random people from your past appear in them and say nothing.  Remembering them just as they were as if nothing has changed with them but in reality they have, we all change with time, circumstance and desire.  Whether that desire is professional, internal or otherwise we change and mold to our surroundings. 

I know that I changed as I met new and different people who made me more open to becoming more open with my thoughts and being heard.  I changed as I realized what I wanted for my future, old friends coming back and helping me realize the person that I can be, being exposed to new experiences.  I changed when I found a different type of sisterhood, lifelong relationships.  I finally knew who I was as I was finishing up college.  I knew what I was capable of and what I would being okay with and other things I knew/know I could/can just walk away.  And now as I am enterning a new phase in life, my adult life, I am somewhat stubborn.  I am stubborn because I like the me who I am and that I know what I want from myself.  But its not about myself all the time, obviously, I can compromise.  But am I compromising or am I settling?  With compromise I find myself losing, losing myself and who I am.  Is this the continuous cylce of life?! Cause it is exhausting.  This is one of those moments where I need Malissa to say she is going to slap me.  Or Chad to make me think about it in another aspect, Nikki would talk out parts with me and Brittany would probably raise her voice and shake me.  Just to bring me back to reality.

Day 3

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Challenge

Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today.”

I just got to read this, so I will be combining today and tomorrow's challenge. I still like this whole challenge idea, and although I am doing this by myself I want to use it in my everyday life. Eventually I will be a life partner and I want to be the best for that person on a daily basis.
Also check out the K-Love blog, I got to hear the videos on Texas Quarterback, Colt McCoy.  It shows that being thankful comes from anyone. 
In this year I want to be more firm in my beliefs and possibly contribute to my church, monetary is something I already do but I want to contribute of myself.  Although if you know me, it can be uncomfortable when I had such a routine and had been a part of a congregation that was mostly family.  I need to change that about myself, to an extent.

Just by chance

I was looking over todays Love Challenge and just happend to receive and give Kindness and Patience. Patience was yesterdays challenge, and with each day the previous day/s challenge is added to the current day. I was not able to hear todays challenge on my way to work as I had been pre-occupied with arriving to work in a timely and safe manner.
Through the morning the snow had accumalated and the trucks could not get the roads cleared up and I had to be patient on my way as I was going about 30 mph on 465 when I usually go about 60. And when it came to lunch time, I did not take any in, and was not too pumped about having to head out in the snow that was still falling a co-worker shared parts of her meal and we ransack the fridge. I ended up eating a banana, applesauce, goldfish, cashews and I had about 3 bottles of water to make it through the day. I also had to call in on my ticket for tonights showing, we are to receive more snow through the hours I would be downtown, a lady helped and waived fees for a seat upgrade to next Friday's showing and for changing dates as I purchased the ticket with my gift certificate. Towards the end of the day, the last hour and a half of patients either came in early or were rescheduled, Dr went out and cleaned off our cars while we were finishing up in the office. There were 4 of us lovely ladies with him today and he cleaned his car plus ours. Again I received. On my way home I realized I needed to stop by the bank and called Darren about dinner plans, and I picked up some Little Ceasars and breadsticks. I finally gave today. I do a lot of little things in the office but this one topped our night, as I got to share it with my Love.
So far I like this challenge especially since some are just habitual and also a reflection of how wonderfully I was raised.

woo woo

So after much delay and the opportunity to get out of work early, after getting the okay with Dr this morning I went to take care of my school payment. Thank goodness the line was short and it only took me about 15 minutes or so. Although no one could help me with getting information for 2010 academic calendar!? I want to know when spring break is, its kind of vital that I know as I need to prepare for Florida in March,get the days off from work and schedule a flight if necessary But one step closer to being ready when I start my classes next week. I am only taking two classes, Anatomy and Physiology and Medical terminology which will be an online course. Anatomy wil be on Saturdays, bright and early for a 8am class-12, plus the drive which is about 30 minutes. But I am excited. Just have to get my ID, I refused to get it today cause I did not have my face on. I do miss the easy days of being a tradtional student, it was easily/already taken care of but now I am on my own. Thanks to my folks I ordered books earlier this week. I am ready though. Its exciting and look forward to meeting some enthuased people ready for a new field in life.

Also must note that I made a delicious dinner. Darren was making the quesadillas went to sit and play on the internet which meant he was not watching them closely and burned them. SO he had to make a second batch as the first look to crispy for my taste. But the steak, made hispanic style, red potato's, made ala Zip & steam bags by Ziploc which happen to be amazing, were delicious. Now onto dessert, homemade chocolate chip cookies made by me.

All in all a good day, also looking into this, will talk to Darren about it. Its created for mostly married people but also for any person as they said on the christian station K-Love the link will take you directly to the 40 Day Love challenge and I think this would be great. Todays challenge is Love is Patient. LOoking forward to what else is to come.

Thankful

It does not have to be November to realize that there are many things to be thankful for, God has blessed my family and I.

* Family
* Great friends like Malissa and Chad who put up with me
* Loving relationships
* a great bed
* letters from my brother
* soon enough a niece
* safe and healthy
* sanity, on most days
* a good paying job
* courage
* ruby is still running
* a patient, caring, loving Man Friend(key word being man friend)
* the ability and choice to go back to school
* choices in general, like being an elephant
* my OCD'ish tendencies
* traveling (March and Florida cannot come soon enough)
* parents that listen, most of the time but always care too much and worry
* a big family-they are always there and make you laugh when you think you should be crying
* to cook delicious meals, esp my spanish rice
* hot showers, but baths are better
* the ability to laugh at ridiculousness
* being a fool and not being too serious
* being different

Paranoia's

Most days I do not realize how many things a single person can be paranoid about. So here is my list:

* food on a bone, will not eat
* people driving too close to me, I glance at the rear view mirror a LOt
* the fat of meats, one bite into it and I am done
* capturing every moment that I can
* my bank account
* paying bills on time
* a toothpaste/hair free sink, clean shower, clean toilet-clean bathroom, clean house
* drinking a good amount of water in a day
* wearing my glasses at night while driving (Darren says that he will make sure I get lasic later in life)
* Food being cooked thoroughly/washing food thoroughly
* checking my e-mail & facebook
* about packing, usually extra even if it means a couple extra pairs of outfits including shoes
* Brushing my teeth
* driving too fast, i have already had 3 tickets but am ticket free 2 years later ( due to dad saying that he would not pay for another ticket)
* Being on time/early to places/appts, which means when its a church Sunday I arrive just as it is starting and make a hasty exit PS this is not my home church so it can be uncomfortable but I go to worship & learn.)
* making a great first impression
* being a great hostess
* following through on my goals
* my fashion statement, every purchase is crucial and needs to be a great buy
* pleasing the people around me
* how I sound when I speak Spanish to people who are not related to me
* my siblings being happy

Those are some of the big ones that come to mind

What makes you paranoid?

(The photo was taken by Myself on Mr & Mrs D's, aka Darren's folks, property in Wabash September 2008)

Attempting to find a new home

So, I am on the prowl for a new place to call home. Its hard, frustrating and even more, time consuming. I know that we, Darren and myself, would prefer if I did not have to sign a lease but there are not very many choices along those lines. And If I have to sign a lease I need to make sure a short term lease is also available as my new home is for a year a half before my next move.
I actually chanced upon my recent apartment, I was sick, it was close to where I was going to be working and had one day to find a place before I had to head out to NC for training. I have lived there for nearly 2 years, Jess joined me in late August of my first year and we re-signed last February for one more year.
Due to my job, it would be best if I could live on the Northern part of Indy, which can be expensive. Another goal is to try to save money during that time.
I am by NO means an expert on trying to find a place to live. I just want to live in a safe place, which means stay away from the East side of Indy. In fact the best place for the money is on the West side, which is 15 minutes from work. Although Rachel has suggested that we could find a place together, with her brother makes 3. I am waiting for Rach to contact me so that I have more of an idea of where to look to find middle ground that works for all 3 of us.
So the search continues...
Its also Sunday, and my "ritual" is to wake up brush my teeth then get on the computer to find new posts on PostSecret, It is a guilty pleasure of mine. I have one of the books and while in college we also had a Valentines PostSecret/Postcard sale to raise money for the Art Student League at my Alma Mater, Barton College. Where I hope my Legacy, my future niece, will go one day or at the very least be a Phi Mu like myself. Because Greeks do it Better!

Its Cold Outside

So today has been pretty un-eventful. After attempting to have lunch with Rachel downtown I ate by myself at Noodles Co. Then headed over to the IRT to have my gift certificate redeemed for a show. I am going to see Love Letter by A. R. Gurney. this Thursday night. This gift was from Darren and even though I will be on my own for the night I am extremely excited to see a show as it has been awhile. Well I had to walk from the garage to the restaruant then to the IRT which is a block over and down from where I was,I had on a wool coat, hat, gloves and scarf but that sneeky wind still made it through and hit my skin. It probably did not help that I wore my Sperry's without socks as that is how I usually wear those shoes. I was smarter on the way back to the garage, I went through the arts garden back through the mall and to Ruby.

It gave me time to reflect on a few things in my life. Like how foolish I was to not wear my Coach Boots and as I passed Kay Jeweler's how sad it was to let the Lady know I already have a copy of their magazine. I am a dork and it is okay. I also got to thinking as I avoided going into some of my favorite stores how much it bites that I am having a hard time with my clothes, as in they are falling off of me. I like to buy things that fit well and even if they cost a little more its the quality, fit and a staple item that I am willing to put out the hard earned cash. Well I have not done so in recent times, I also have a hard time storing some of my favorite items in hopes that they will fit again or as Darren suggests to put them in the Goodwill Pile. (I will blame the ability to hoard on my mothet, thats a whole other subject for another day.) And its not so much that I hoard things, really just clothes, I have a hard time parting with them as they used to fit perfectly. I guess the key word is Used to. My tops in general fit well, dresses have been replaced. Another item I cannot part with, dresses, if you know my family then you know why. They are timeless pieces that are at times paid for at full price, although I do look for great bargains. The hardest thing is that when I go to grab a favorite piece from the closet for church or an outing It can turn into a wardrobe mishap. I have ended up in tears, and Darren does not know how to handle me in that state, about trying on about 4 combinations of appropriate wear to church and nothing.
Nada, works out. It is in a way depressing. People can say " oh you are so thin," "how did you do it?" I do not know how I did it. I just kinda happened after college, It just started coming off. I used to have a curvy body, where my jeans would hug all the right places instead I now have a more straight boy figure. And I used to tease Sarah about her body, now I own a simiar version. (Sarah is another friend from Manchester, we used to go shopping together, one of our pasttimes, or I shopped and she lived throguh me.) I know this much, I am a healthier me, I eat better than I did in college, do not have nearly 2 dinners a night, do not drink as much, am active (atleast during the summer). Life changed a lot for me after graduation, not to mention that my parents allow me to be picky about what I eat and how it is made. I worked at a summer camp, took walks on my evenings that were available, then went home and worked the Pools and the Y where I spent quite a few hours in the pool as an instructor and on deck as a lifeguard. I always made time to eat. In fact I had 2 servings of Lasagna at Christmas eve dinner. I do not by any means avoid meals, I let people know that I am the type of Lady who likes to eat. I have 2 good meals a day, usually a breakfast bar in the morning and drink 2 bottles of water a day. All in all it bites the big one when your favorite pieces of clothing just do not fit correctly. This is what happens when I have time to think.

January 1st, 2010

Well we made it through a very nice evening. We basically had a 3 course meal, or to be more accurate a meal that had all parts, salad, sides and a good drink. Although the Tele was on during dinner we both recognized that it was a great meal that we made together. This is a normal occurrence. Darren got dressed and we got ready to head out to Holly and Mark's house. They had some snacks and we got to hang out and talk. They were telling us about their wedding plans and Darren was filing them in on his experiences with traveling and I guess might have helped in giving them ideas on things they had already started researching. I got to chat it up with Holly on things and she is happy and that is great. I get excited about things, she seemed to have it all together and that is good. They know what they want and have direction making it that much easier. You have to love our "family Photo," as we were attempting to find somewhere to place the camera so that we can set it on a timer. Darren and Mark seemed to have quite a bit to talk about. We had met up as a group about 2 other times before and Holly and I meet up every other month or so to get a drink or dinner and catch up. So I am most looking forward to spending more time with them as their schedule allows. Told Mark he should join Darren for autographs sometime as he liked Darren's stories of hanging out at the hotels trying not to get kicked out. When we finally made it home almost 1:30ish there was little time before we were out. I can be a heavy sleeper and as with most trips, fell asleep in the car. But it was good sleep.

This morning I was thinking about the resolutions that each had wanted to make, they were more like goals to do things that they have thought about but not followed through. With this I began to reflect on myself. I would like to join a gym again but really would like to work on other things. I can remember a time when it was easy to be patient but at times find myself irritated when I have to repeat myself. These things I never realized are small parts that might cause the stress I can feel from time to time. So becoming more Patient is on the top of my personal need to work on list. I will keep you updated on how that goes. I might need to write that on my mirror as an everyday reminder. I also from time to time think about what I am thankful for, it can be friendship, love, spare time, naps, time with my family, letters from my brother. Anything and I want to start my days or think about one each day/week so that I can remember just how blessed I am.

The oldest of my 2 brothers, Joel, and I mail each other hand written letters. I update him on life here in Indy and send photos while he lets me know about things on his end. Its refreshing and we both anticipate each others letters. Today I wrote a letter which will be mailed tomorrow.

I also have found a new author that I enjoy, Nicholas Sparks. While traveling over Christmas I finished Dear John, I am now about 40 or so pages to then end of my second book that Darren bought me for Christmas, A Bend in the Road. I noticed that in both books the male figures said they loved the other before the female. The books are also set in North Carolina, a territory I am familiar with since I went to school there and traveled to various parts while at school and spent a month or so working on Duke's campus. I never thought I would get into the books but the mystery behind them is what gets me, not so much the romance. And come on, how many times are you going to hear about a man saying the "L" word first?!

I said it to Darren first, it actually made me drive over to his place one late night, just thinking about it and pondering that I actually had very strong feelings for this man. He opened the front door thinking something was wrong and I said it and what happened while I was home alone thinking of course, I actually packed an overnight bag to head to my parents place up North had it not turned out so well. He said he had those feeling for awhile but did not want to say it as he thought it might freak me out. And it would have as I was in much denial, I have been there once and then had my share of flings between, I wanted to make sure it was for real and not infatuation. But it will be 2 years come May. Just need to work on my whole patience aspect as I also have to think about him and his feelings. But we make it every day. With our Good nights to close each day opening a new leaf the next day.