small things that make it worth while

Somethings just make me all warm and happy inside.

Like...
*hugs, big bear hugs-tight but welcoming
*chocolate, brownies, homemade greatness
*phone calls- even if its just to catch up
*wine
*going to the movies, even if its just me
*being remembered
*the beach- oh how I miss it
*mini vacations
*my love's- Malissa, Chad, my babies Eze and Edina
*hearing "I love you," it means so much coming from a huge family
*cleaning- something about getting everything so fresh and clean makes me feel great
*a great run
*new life
*new clothes
*hot summer days- although a see sooooo many from my desk at work
*great books
*knowing I accomplished something
*adventures
*a great piece of salmon, steak, chicken, tofu-whatever it is as long as its great
*family
*having muscles to flex-even if they are not grand
*getting dolled up from head to toe
*a great massage
*figuring out the answer
*being complimented
*having an artistic vision & completing it
*great music
*flowers- I get that from my mom, but I love them in my vases while she likes them in her yard
*great dreams

still alive

Another week has passed and although I have thought plenty of times through the week that I need to blog I somehow was distracte by my book, house stuff or just exhausted in general.  I have updated my layout, although I am still not very savvy at it just yet but change is good. 

In the last week I have accomplished grocery shopping by list and shopping at different stores for their prices-we will find out soon enough if I am in fact saving any money.  Shopping for 2 people is quite hard considering that Darren is very much the picky eater.  But also shopping in which nothing gets wasted.  I have found that Darren only eats the bananas, while I have been trying to eat the plums, peaches and apples on my own without them going bad.  And its kinda working, although I did have to throw out about 3 different pieces of fruit.  Still working on organizing the house, getting things in order then of course having to move them to fix up areas is going to be the worst part.  When Darren gets to the kitchen in the next couple of weeks, moving everything out while trying to tile then let that sit before we can move the new cabinets in is going to be hard.  I can see the boxes in the living room already.  It will be interesting though. 

I am Still working on gathering my sepia images that will be framed and hung in the office.  It was originally going to be black and white but with the colors coming in decor wise, sepia will fit much better.  So I have some moments to capture.  I have found that I am afraid to hang things on the wall, I have the art work and just making it all work together is becoming quite hard and now that the walls are so nicely painted I do not want to put holes in the walls.  Hopefully I can make the 3m command work for me and make minimal holes for the heavier items. 

We have used the kitchen table several times now, eating a few times, making lists, looking over paint colors for the bathrooms.  We have ideas for it but just have to get some samples and soon enough the half bath will be painted and ready to be used.  Then onto the full bath and kitchen.  Hopefully dad will come back up and get to work on some more things with Darren. 

Got to get going, still have some cleaning and moving of furniture from Greenwood to the house.  Busy days, they are good!

IT is official

It is official, I have completed my change of address form and now live in a house, with Darren.  I kinda slacked on the whole submitting a form to change my address as I had made sure the most important ones, like my bank account, and bills were changed but somehow I was still having mail arrive and Jess has been keeping it for me until I can get to it.  The house to the South side in Greenwood is a long drive that I have been avoiding but possibly this weekend we will make the trip to pick up the few remaining items such as the couch, a one person couch/chair, the card table with chairs and the television.  Which means we have to rent a moving truck of some sort to get it all moved in one day and avoid multiple trips that would be too much on the truck and also not make me happy using all that fuel. 

I started running again, I used to despise running and in some ways still do but when I moved back home it was the only thing that was just me by myself.  A great way to burn some steam, think and just move at my own pace while listening to the wonderful tunes from my ipod.  And when I moved to Greenwood it was a good way to get out of the apartment, work my heart and not pay for a gym membership.  In the past 4 days I have ran 3 times and in that time the course has changed just due to trying to get my heart rate up and also get back into full running condition.  Right now I am doing a run/walk/jog system so that I can go into my pace that keeps me comfortable while also working my body.  There may be a need to start changing my eating habits, like adding more healthy snacks at work so that I can work out when I get home rather than rush Darren for dinner.  I also need to drink more than just water, I usually have at least 2 bottles through the work day but only 1 at home in the evening.  I really Love Smart Water, from the container to the no added flavor.  I used to inhale Gatorade, mostly the Frost flavors but over time have become kind of burnt out on it like Mountain Dew.  Although I do like to take swigs from Darren's drinks when I need something with flavor, we are both Pepsi people so it works out nicely and although not all of his sports drinks feed my need its nice to change it up.  So we will see how much I can continue with my runs, soon I will be stopping at a park and doing my leg workouts and arms, kind of like a circuit workout so that I can run from one bench to another changing up what I want my focus to be.  Still on the hunt for a great gym that has no lines, a pool and a variety of machines to maximize my muscle toning. 

Upgrade

So sometimes we need to "upgrade" ourselves, and I am not talking about plastic surgery or botox but also am not opposed.  I am talking about ourselves in the sense of our inner selves, to work on the inside so that the outside reflects your inner workings.  Darren and I had a great conversation tonight, working on our relationship and different ways to become better people for each other in our relationship.  I had to call an intervention/damge control, as I want to make sure that I am doing my best in our relationship and finding ways to make sure that we stay in a happy and healthy relationship.  Being the thinker that I am I often overthink, over-anylyze and make nothing into something.  My relationship with Darren has found me in a negative state at times and for reasons that make no sense in the end.  I had a plan, life plans change, we change, and sometimes we stay the same when life around us is changing.  I can be stuck on my plans for myself when there are now two of us, two people that need to be one team to move forward and make it through the real, tough things in life. 
We each wrote down what we wanted for ourselves, positive things that will not only help ourselves but also our relationship.  Things to work towards.  Actions whether they are objects, words or actions, to help us help each other and small workings of gratitude.  I hope that makes sense, cause it does to me. 
The one thing we do well is communicate, even if it takes us a moment and we need to breathe away from one another.  So I will be working on myself and becoming a better partner, being on the same team as Darren- For now we will call it the B-D team, although I cannot stand hyphens.  But its the two of us.  Sometimes it takes another person to call you out on your bad aspects but it can be to only make you better.

Down to one

So I know its been awhile but believe me the thoughts have not ceased in any way.  What has now occurred is the complete transition of moving out of the apartment and into Darren's house.  We cleaned up the garage and apartment this past Monday as he had to turn in his keys and garage opener and the mess has made a home in the garage at the house.  And we just got internet on Wednesday night, ah how I love wireless.

Things are starting to come along nicely in the house, walls are painter, some floors are done and since Darren is out of school for the summer he spent this week on the lawn and small projects around the house.  I am also super happy that, thanks to my dad, we now have a working stove.  The new appliances came in last Thursday and the fridge has been up and running, so while my family was in town dad helped Darren get it connected showed him how to check for gas leaks and also inspected the rest of the house.  Dad got pretty excited about all the work that he could do, my dad is pretty handy when it comes to household tasks and cars.  Things are starting to shape up.  The big projects include the bathrooms, kitchen and eventually the basement.  Smaller projects such as putting in baseboards, spot painting, changing doors and others should soon be done.  My dad got so excited about the back door that we need to change, I am sure he told me about 5 times that I should have let him know because he needs some type of saw that he has at home to cut through the frame in order to get through the nails.  In fact he is most likely coming down tonight to get working on those things tomorrow.  Dad will also come in very useful when it comes to putting up sheetrock in the basement and grouting the tile we picked out for the kitchen and bathrooms but he is not excited about grouting.  Darren too is happy that dad is excited as it means more things will get done between the two of them and he should be saving quite a bit of money on labor.  I will take progress photos once some artwork goes up on the walls. 

This weekend Darren and I have been together for 2 whole years now, which seems crazy considering most days it feels like more-which is a good thing.  About 3 days before I let Darren know that we should not make a big deal out of it, I have been in a relationship where the milestones were celebrated but I am not that same person.  I wanted him to not worry and do whatever he wanted, last year he got me a great pair of dangling earrings and matching bracelet.  This year I had been planning his gift since before his birthday but saved it for an anniversary gift since it would could not be stored safely before we got to the house.  I surprised him with a cornhole set, his friend makes them and he painted on the Ball State University letters and the cardinal head you see all over Indiana on those not so smart public school kids.  j/k.  Ps IF I ever reproduce that child will NOT own anything Ball State and if it does it will never be worn.  Needless to say Darren loved the gift and it was not expected at all, he has been saying since last football season that he was going to have one made and usually he gets what he needs/wants right away, one of the few times I beat him to the punch.

The race went well, Darren bought me a seat to sit next to him instead of the infield and it was a nice view.  I have become quite comfortable in seats thanks to all the races we have been to, this seats do not beat some of the road course seats we have, but they are to be upgraded for next year. 

Some photos of the weekend while my family was in town, somehow baby Eze was not around for any pictures.

My mom in the center, Luz on the Left and baby Edina on the right.  Tegan laughing.  We went to the track to show my family around, it was hot so and Tegan was hungry so while we walked I covered her up with a small blanket and fed her, she was still eatingw while we took our tour on the bus around the track to hear some of the history.  Then of course dad with Tegan, he can get kind of excited about her.

Check out those eyes!

Learning

So the last couple of days I have had plenty of time to think.  I have had the opportunity to realize a few things about myself that I did not know until recently and have had time to also digest them and working towards becoming a better person.

* I have some OCd'ish tendencies: with this I have realized that while Darren is more laid back I like things done, not to sit and let the mess pile up or assume the dishes will somehow walk into the dishwasher.

* I pay my bills, the 2 I have and put them in a pile instead of filing right away.

* I become easily frustrated when things do not go the way they should (my way), there are 2 people in this relationship and I have to learn his habits and figure out what works best for us.

* I like to talk, I mean talk and discuss subjects that are important to me while not raising my voice because that would get the conversation nowhere.  When I am not heard that is actually even more frustrating.  We react differently to certain topics.

* I need to work on thinking that each morning I wake is going to be a great day, a blessing.  I have a particular patients mom who always seems to make things harder and usually wrecks my day.  Last week I tested my thoughts and in the end she actually did not argue with me, atleast not to the extent that she usually does, while I tried to talk to her and help. 

* I miss my babies, and by babies I mean Edina and Eze.  I get to do fun things with them like water balloon fights, cook more meals than usual and do crafty things.

* I need to work on my recipe searching skills.  Darren eats the basic meals, just about anything with chicken, turkey dogs, hamburgers, tacos and pizza.  I need to find ways to evolve those basics because eating chicken 3 times a week can get old if its in a similar way.

* I need to make more time for my family and friends.  I have realized that some relationships have fallen by the wayside as I have moved away from home.  And I dread travel unless Darren is driving.

* While I am organized when it comes to the everyday things I need to work on organizing my photographs.  My images throughout my life are in boxes by categories but then are not in any type of chronological order so I hope to tackle this huge project soon.

On another note, Darren and I have almost been together for 2 years.  While it seems a whole lot longer, in a good way, its also a new adventure and experience as neither one of us has spent so much time with another and shared space in previous relationships.  While I can talk to him about anything that bothers me or that I am thinking I have also found just how differently we were raised.  I find it easy to take charge and do things while Darren did not have things he had to do in house.  I never had chores but things that needed to get done I helped with and found most tasks easy to conquer.  BUT I do BELIEVe that all things that need done take each person to complete and should be SHARED.  Each person has to do their part, we are currently working on this.  I have found that even though I am in this relationship that I do not need him to accompany me to all events or trips to see family and/friends.  I stand on my own 2 feet quite fine by myself.  And it definitely gets tiring when my family asks where Darren is, that gets old before the first person even asks.  I like doing things for another person who appreciates the time that I took and effort.  I made Darren's birthday gift last year and scrapbooks for all of our images (by hand, yes I just patted myself on the back), making his Easter basket.  Its nice to know that the small things that I do for him make me just as happy.

Our Project

So I have been holding out, for a variety of reasons.  Darren and I have been working on a great project, tiring, but in the end it will all be worth it.  Whenever the end arrives. 
Its a...


HOUSE! 

Darren bought a house and closed on the 22nd of April.  So his house is getting a much needed and major face-lift.  And of course I was automatically volunteered to work on it with him, helping pick out colors decide on appliances, the layout of furniture and so forth.  I think the part I am looking forward to the most is comparing the before and after images.  So here are some before...

There will not be many changes to the outside but some bushes may be removed.

The Living Room will have new paint, wood floors and updated curtains.  And the removal of the furniture that was left by the son of the previous owners, have begun to find their new homes through the Salvation Army.

The Dining room does not have wood floors but will have tiling that will go into the kitchen area, new paint, lighting fixtures, registers for the heating and cooling system.

The kitchen will be one of the bigger projects, we will live with the cabinets for awhile then have them completely replaced, add a dishwasher, will have the same color as Dining area and new appliances.

This is the makeshift pantry that will be the home of the refrigerator and be closed off and allow for some more counter space.

This is the look from the kitchen into the dining area.  Then there is the hallway to the rest of the house.

There is a half bath that will be completely re-done, the flower wallpaper and tile have already found there way into the trash.  I may only keep the lighting fixture because it seems to go with the decor I am working throughout the house, but no final word on whether it stays or goes just yet.  On the right you will see what will become the office and house our computers, books as well as be filled with our photography.  The walls are all white, not stark white but its a nice white.  My plan is to have a black & white photo wall.

This is the second bedroom/ Malissa's room.  The paint job has been completed, a rug choosen to show off the wood floors and next will be finding the curtains.  I am planning to have a subdued gold tone, gray tones with some brighter colors.  Probably the best room in the house when I complete it.
The main bedroom is the same brown color as Malissa's room (that you have not seen as this were before we started painting) and it will be browns and some pop of color.On the left looking from a corner of the main room to the hallway.  The closests in all of the rooms will also have a makeover, the doors have been removed and Darren and I are on a hunt for doors that will open up the closets a little.  Then the full bathroom, its going to be completely gutted, shower head will be higher, a curtain, new tub, sink/vanity and fixtures.  Although once the sheet rock is up I have not figured out a color to paint it just yet.

Then in the dining area there is the door to the full basement, it has a bar that will eventually be upgraded.  The wood paneling is a go, its going into the trash.  And the Sheet Rock will be painted white.  This area will have the Tv, couch, bar stools and futon.  Otherwise known as Darren's Man cave.

Then on the opposite side is the laundry room and the various items that make the house work.

Then behind the furnace there is some storage space and will be a space for me to do some art work and hold the ridiculous amounts of things that Darren owns.  On the right is when Darren found out there is no wood floor in the kitchen.

Then we put up color swatches, the far left is the Dining/kitchen color, the far right is the bedroom color.  The middle ones were losers.  Then Darren taking down the sliding closet doors which happen to be the same color as the doors used on all rooms that will also be replaced.

Needless to say there is a lot of work in front of Darren and I have been dragged along for the ride but already the progress can be seen as the painting is done and the wood floors are visible.

More to come that is for Sure.

Ps Finals are over! WOO HOO!

its almost over

So this semester is almost over.  After weeks of lost Saturday mornings and evening's there is one more week of actual class then Next week starts finals.  I am excited and having made it through a semester that requires book work that has nothing to do with art has become strange and not living in an art building is even more odd.  Its interesting how I have seen myself lost in a world, I have become enlightened but also asking myself "What am I doing?," "Is this what I am made of?," "Can I conquer it?"  A lot of questiong myself as I have walked and studied my way through the semester. 

Either way, this weekend was a lost weekend.  As in I spent 6 hours driving, we had a family function and after school on Saturday morning I headed to the Bend and then back to Indy early Sunday morning.  Come Monday it was an odd morning at work, just not with it at the start of the week. 

Here are few images...

Sister, Luz and niece Tegan

Sister, Edina stood up as in the Party for our cousin's Quincenera

 Edina and Tegan together, Tegan in her outfit that Darren and I picked out for her.  then a stare into the camera from Tegan.  Her eyes have yet to change to a dark color as we are predicting. 

Another day

So yes, I have realized that my thoughts have not been written as of recently.  But today, today I thought about how much I miss walking to class on a warm day like today.  With the light breeze and the sun shining brightly enough to want to be in its splendor.  To sun bathe while attempting to to get homework done, or atleast being able to shop outdoors and enjoy it.  Instead I worked indoors then had a Phi Mu Alumnae dinner.  I do highly, extremely dislike living in the city.  Its just not for me and I know that will not be changing any time soon.  Also I thought I was after a year of living here enjoying Indy but I have found that I absolutely could do without living here or anywhere else in Indiana.  In fact I would be on the East Coast, where it is warmer than here.  Indy and myself- we just have not found a happy medium together.  While there is plenty to see and events to attend I hope that someday it will be a memory while my feet are on solid ground elsewhere.  Not a great memory but a memory.  If I stay here in Indiana forever there may be some issues.  Maybe its a bit harsh but I guess growing up bites the big one, atleast for me in my 20's.  I really did think it would come full circle and life would be fantastic as far as living here goes but I could live the same life elsewhere and maybe it would be better maybe I would feel the same.  And that is my rant for this post.  Atleast my urge to move has ended and here I am, secure job and all.

But onto greatness, dinner tonight was fun.  We met at Uno's and it was good although I will pay for the pizza I ate.  In the Indy Alumnae group there are mostly older women, retired women who happen to have some great stories about life their activities.  Things they do and such, it was nice to get out and change up the tempo for a night.  Life can become such a routine, where is the spontaniety?!  I think it left me when I got here.  Somehow I will make it up, for missing on the grand adventures.  Not sure how but I always tell myself that I need to live it up. 

Its been a little While

In that little while, I have been to Florida and back, back to life here in INdy once again. Our trip was busy and fun-filled as always. But the weather was nothing like last year, I wore jeans 2 of the 3 days I was there and sweaters. While last year I managed to get sunburned and have to change my clothes often due to getting so hot and sweaty. I did not even have the desire to get all dolled up in one of my newest dresses as I had to keep warm and that meant a hoodie. But we had fun and enjoyed it all we could.  Before the Race on Sunday we walked the streets of St. Pete after having found a place for breakfast.  Darren had checked things out on Friday and Saturday so we had some sort of direction, which with Darren is rare.  We walked the grounds of a Fine Arts Museum, set up the camera for an "us" picture, then I saw this tree that had the beautiful flowers falling from it.  I would like one.

Then it was onto the track, Darren got me in the simulation car.  Then over looking the streets from the Ferris Wheel.  We wore our stylish ear plugs, there was another race going on previous to the race we were there for and it was loud as it was adjacent to the ferris wheel.  The driver I follow, which is the key when it comes to racing, to have a person to follow to keep entertained, Justin Wilson, is now sponsored by Dreyer & Reinbold Racing.  Its going to be a good year for him, I like road races like St Pete so much more than ovals.  There is something about how many more turns there are and also more chances for passing and crashing when they are not careful.While we got rained out on Sunday the Race was rescheduled to Monday, which meant another day at the track.  And of course we had to have our picture taken to mark that occassion.  So we ended up spending more time at the track than anticipated.  Which in the end, the Race was so worth it. 

We did get to have our Grouper sandwiches at Dave's Dockside and it was DELICIOUS.  Then we got beat up by the wind while attempting to walk the beach before calling it quits and going to buy a few things for a my babies,We made time for a few races at Derby lanes, had bets on quite a few different greyhounds.  Although again the not so pleasant weather of wind and cooler nights than I needed got us back to the hotel earlier than anticipated. 

Tuesday we headed to Universal Studios, parking in the Cat in the Hat section.  I have not been there before but it was a good time.  We got on a few different rides, had a late lunch at the Hard Rock then did some more walking around and light shopping before we started our journey back home.  The drive was not so bad, got some non-school reading done and sleep while Darren put on a variety of mixed Cd's for his entertainment.  It got us away from Indiana, and some relaxation.  Darren saw some of the better weather before I arrived and of course he had some great autograph time. 

So even if I did not get to lay out on the beach and wear my new swim suits I did experience and see new things/places.  I also bought a couple awesome dresses from boutiques.  I got to spend time with Darren and relax.