Growth

Ever feel lost and overwhelmed? Just overworked and before you know it the exhaustion hits you. It takes over when you least expect it to, when you think the moment has passed, the point of feeling lost has gone away- and then the moment of true relief comes.  It come in a teary hello, a heartbreaking well of tears.  The hugs and love that you long for are with you all along but you forget until you feel it squeeze and hold you up.  
That's the feeling I get when I have had a long, tiring day.  Even the things that are enjoyable can overwhelm me.  In the end it steers it's head at me and let's me know I have had enough.  I have met my match, emotionally & physically.  I have put too much of me into a more than me project.  I have invested more than I had to begin with, it's time to let it out & let it go.  
It's been an exceptionally tough week for me.  Fighting for who I am, want to be and the way I live my life.  
For as long as I can remember I have known what I wanted for myself-expectations, goals, desires.  I lived for me, my mindset has been on becoming a stronger, better me.  A me that was beyond the greatness that I knew.  So when life made a major detour and has become about more than just my future I found my greatest struggle.  Turning a me and my desires into an us and our plans.  I never thought about the what if's, I  was okay with imagining a life on my own and the freedom of picking and choosing what was good was a relief.  It's hard, even after 3 years, to think in any other way.  Some things come easy while choosing my battles has become a tough place.  Somehow at the end of it all I just need to feel the warmth, the human in me and realize that life is about changing, evolving, adapting, accepting, listening and loving.  It's the way to move on and grow.

Big

Recently some of my cousins have been taking pictures in big, bug eyed glasses and posting them on facebook.  This is a walk through memory lane with my family and the in style big, rose colored glasses.

My aunt Naomi, I like calling her Tia Naomi mostly because it makes her feel older.

My Cousin Jesse at the Left, was sporting his big glasses.

Now here, a trio. From top, Cousin Jesse, my mom, and Tia Tere.

At the right, my Tia Tere, again, big glasses.

My mom, in our family picture, they had a rose tint to them.

And again

Cousin Jesse started the trend at an early age.

My Tia Tere, sporting them at a family event.

From one generation to the next.

We have...

So, we finally caved in. 
After some minimal discussion at several different points in this planning process we have signed up for a wedding registry.  We mostly did not feel we needed a registry as in combining our lives we have quite a few things we need, plus I was given some great items from my mom.  
What we do not have are some minor items that I just realized we need or have put on the back burner to buy later.  
We have been asked quite a few times about it and knowing that some people might be stuck on what our needs are maybe it would not be such a bad idea.
Darren did enjoy the scanning process, and after going through an entire kitchen area, tools, and bathroom-we found several items. 
I cannot imagine going to several stores and setting up a registry. They make it pretty easy but I am sure it can become time consuming. 
Hopefully this helps us out our families & friends.

And counting...

As of today we are 95 days until July 23rd and the wedding.  Scary enough I have not been paying attention to the calendar and completely missed the mark on 100 days.  
I think that planning the wedding can only be as stressful as I make it.  With so many big things to finish up the small have taken a backseat but are slowly showing up on my to do list.  
I have lost all excitement about the wedding and maybe it will be revived.  It's nice to check things as done and to get Darren to make decisions but it has lost it's fun appeal for me.  As a high stress person I rarely feel the excitement of things until they are completed.  
I like having control of tasks and seeing them through.  Having a vision.  My vision of this wedding is, in short, a mess.  Too much.  Too crazy.  Cannot wait to be done.  Vegas, please!!!!

New me

My latest hobby has been working out.  I was at first preparing for the 5k in Florida and was getting in a workout 6 days a week.  Alternating between cardio and weights.  I have since florida focused more on weights with easy cardio to reduce the possibility of messing up my back again.  The more I have worked out and made the time, the more I have noticed the results in a much more toned body.  
I have for the longest time noticed some muscle tone but now my muscles are tight and larger.  I think I should become a body builder... But seriously I want to take care of my body and the additional muscle tone, tight rear and legs make me feel great.
My next goal is to increase  protein and  in my diet.  By diet I mean meals, I watch what I eat and try to control food portions- I hardly ever pass up a sweet treat.  I do NOT skip meals, do snack in-between meals and most importantly I stop eating when I feel full.  Food babies can be uncomfortable and mostly unnecessary.
I am looking forward to showcasing my fit body this summer in shorts, sleeveless tops and the wedding dress.  Watch out for my guns and legs of steel.  Soon my abs will get more attention.

President

As of recently I was elected to president of my local alumni chapter. A huge honor & responsibility.  Something I have had my eye on since I joined a couple years ago.  I want to be busy, give my all, make a difference and gain great relationships.  And of course I like to plan events and putting my talents to great use.

It is still new feeling, "wow I get to do this", I am being entrusted by these accomplished women to grow and reach common goals.  

I think the part I am most looking forward to is having a great reason to fill up my time, organizing/planning events, conferences and national convention next year.  This opportunity will open doors and allow me to create relationships as an adult and a foundation as a leader outside of college.  Being a leader is very important to me, being able to take on new tasks excites me and makes me nervous but thrilled when all my goals are met, everyone is happy and have enjoyed themselves.  

I have found great support from the alumnae.  And soon the planning process for fall events will begin.

Shine!

A new favorite on the radio, Shine by David Crowder Band.  I have heard so much about the process to make the video but to actually see it makes my idea of what it would look like irrelevant.  Either way it is still great!

Sunshine

A week ago today we made it back to the nasty/topsy turvy weather of Indy after a wonder 4 days in wonderful Florida.  I love the sun, having color on my skin, wearing less summer clothes and just feeling good because the weather and the shopping make it that much better.

Of course we spent a lot of time on the track, about 2 days.

 

Darren in line for autographs.

Looking onto the street course and the museums.  IF there are palme trees its usually a good sign.

Darren bribed me to run the 5K, and I did it in about 35 minutes.  My reward for funning the 5K was a nice dinner downtown St Pete- I am still waiting for this dinner. 

The last time I ran a 5K, was I believe 8 years ago, in 2003, I was definitely not in shape then and even more about 15lbs heavier possibly.  Being in shape was definately the key to finishing this race as well as some great tunes on my ipod.

This is us after grabbing a beer at a local spot dowtown- otherwise I would NOT be wearing workout gear in public. Its a MAJOR no, No.

We spent a few hours at the beach, it was not too hot which made it easy to lay around. 

We got to see the Budweiser Clydesdales get prepped in their ribbons and flowers.

From atop the Ferris wheel, Definately can live here.

This is why I get to travel, so Darren can see his races and get as many autographs as possibly.

This is Simona DeSilvestro's car this year

And here come the fireworks and cars...

With a wreck on the first lap.

One of our favorite spots, Daves Dockside Grill.  I caught a lobster and as the claw was taking it back to the bin it slithered right out.  Next time.

Darren looking rough after wearing a ball cap all day.

This was our second stop at Daves, the first time we had black grouper sandwiches.  But the second time I opted for tremendous tomatoes,

shared fries with Darren while he had a chicken sandwich- and plenty of soda.

We decided to go for a walk on the beach, Darren was looking for shells for my babies.

Writing in the sand, possibly the most readable handwriting from Darren.

Then some ice cream, if you ask me 66 flavors may be too many.

We went with the classic chocolate and vanilla twist.

But Monday came around, and it poured.  I had some time to shop but mostly wanted to lay on the beach before our flight home.

Some day I may not come back, fair warning.

this made me happy

A couple days ago I went outside for a run and this song lifted my spirits and also reminded me of being with my cousins.

Pure Happiness

Some things that bring me pure happiness...

Sweets, as Rachel is-and the delicious cupcake she displays.

Silly friends, time with friends. Best idea ever! Our monthly get together is coming a long way.

Seeing my niece walk, even if its through a video that my sister emailed to me and to hear her laugh in another video clip.

Other things:

Family time

conversations with loved ones: today I spoke with Gina and it felt SOOO great

letters

me time

workouts

countdowns to special events: currently Florida trip 11 days to go

Fridays

Wine & food

little conversations with my dad & hearing everything and more from my mom

photographs & memories

clean home

and more will come to me in the next few hours

What brings you pure happiness?