Memories

We just received our wedding photographs a few days ago, Wednesday to be exact. They are great, I throughly enjoyed seeing the day over, capturing moments I had not recalled. The wedding is such a blur, so much going on, so many conversations. Our photographer did a really great job on selecting our 200 prints for our album and soon I will make time to go through the cd's that have all 400+ photos and find more that I did not realize were taken. I have been very excited, looking through them a few times this week, thinking of which ones I would like enlarged and where we would display them in the house. I was able to share our photographs with my girlfriends last night and today will share them with Darren's family. And eventually I will post a few.

I am...

I am..
Mrs. D
This hits me every once in awhile. Mostly because one person or another has said "hello Mrs. D," thinking its so great and cute, or something like "this is Bea D, she is married to Darren.". To me this is one of the bigger blows because I only introduce myself by my first name, I still write my given last name on all paperwork, all my bills have my given name. It's such a big leap to think everyone just assumes and sometimes I have a desire to correct that it has not changed just yet as it's a process. Plus my license does not expire for another year.
For me, having my identity taken is the hardest thing ever, my name makes me who I am, have become, what I believe in and stand for. It is much harder than giving in to the married life. Slowly my identity, who I see myself as and what makes me who I am is beginning to change in ways that I never wanted or expected. I know it is all not bad but I am Bea X B.

I do what I can

Today I had the day off. It was a productive day, started it earlier than I thought I would be getting onto my errands and housework. I started by cleaning the kitchen, got an oil change and clipped coupons while waiting. Got my grocery shopping done, best buy was a regular size toothpaste for FREE- it was on sale for 1.00 then I had a .50 coupon that doubled to a dollar and made it one of my great deals for the day. I baked cookies, took Darren lunch and shared the baked goods with some of his co-workers. Ran an errand at Target then took an almost 2 hour nap. Things are loaded in the truck from the wedding, and a relaxing evening with Darren, and just started to work on some laundry. It was a glorious day, I could get used to being a housewife, I have got to go for my goal of making a living by working from home. Hmmm...

Day 12

I love my Darren. Monday I turned a year wiser and I loved that he made the time to make plans for our evening. If you know Darren, he is not a planner, I am the planner in our relationship. While at work he text me to find out when I would be home. When I got home I had about 15 minutes to freshen up and we were off to a matinee,Cowboys and Aliens, It was an attention grabber, but according to Darren- not enough action. We proceeded to dinner downtown, sushi at one of my favorite places, we came home and took a walk around the neighborhood. Last of all- we had a slice of my birthday cake. It was a great evening.  Not too much commotion but enough to keep my mind off that this has been yet another year of celebrating without my family, which is very tough after all the past years celebrations and expectations.
Daddy called about 3 times, we kept missing each other as I turned off my phone at dinner then left it behind while on our walk, a voicemail from daddy is always the best.

Day 8

It's been over a week, most of it feels like we are still dating, moving right along in our lives. Now I see how people who never lived together before being married can experience such great changes. All of a sudden they are having their space taken over by another person, learning their habits-and they may not like all of them. I may not have survived this transition. I am so particular about how things are cleaned and where they are placed that having to deal with changes would have led to a lot of stress.
Darren and I have our groove, we have our separate responsibilities that make us a productive couple. Sunday is filled with laundry, Darren takes down the laundry, I separate, wash, dry, fold. Darren takes it back up for me and we each put away our own clothes.
Dinner is decided on a night before, we are beginning to grocery shop together when possible, I clip the coupons and put away a bulk of it. I clean house Saturday mornings, Darren waters and maintains the lawn, takes out trash. Thursday night is date night, depending on how we feel it may be a night out or a night in eating at the kitchen table. I like that we have our way of doing things already, enjoying our lives.

Day 5

Life is exhausting, it's been a tough week to get back in the groove of things. All the things I imagined would happen as a married couple are already hitting me in life. By that I mean all the great things that I thought would be, less stress, less thinking they do not always happen. I KNOW life is not going to be perfect or as planned. Things like being in great health is something I thought I was on track for, considering all Of the hard work I have been putting in at the gym, that work stress would lessen back down and stay at work it would not follow me home. But it's not that way right now. My back has been acting up, work stress is way high, I have already had a melt down this week. Somethings are just unpredictable. On my way to the doctors office and while being there today hearing information I did not expect, thinking about my meltdown, next week, work and more I just wanted to cry, too much all at once. But somewhere in me came this need to say, I can deal with this, I will push myself through this and it's just going to be a part of life I have to tackle. I can take life on and with love and guidance from God, I am excited to see his grand plan for us unfold.

Day 3

I think I married my best friend. I always thought it was cheesy when people would say they married their best friend and their spouse is the only person they share everything with about their lives. But I tell Darren everything, I can cry and holler and only he can console or laugh at me the way I need it. I can always count on him to tell me like it is, to make me a better person, to give advice even if it's about clothing and not the easiest thing. He makes me giddy, upset and makes me realize how I want to grow with him. I want for our relationship to evolve and become more amazing, a roller coaster that is always full of love.

Something that touched my heart so strongly on our wedding day was a surprise from Darren. I had a special delivery from Kitty, a friend of ours, an envelope. Inside the envelope was a card from a store. I read the card and then Darren's handwritten note, and as I was being zipped in my church wedding dress by Mrs. D, it hit me, this a grand surprise by my love, a heartfelt note of hope- this brought me to tears. And almost brought Mrs. D to tears as I sobbed and almost could not catch my breath. My photographer and kid sister were the only ones to witness this moment that probably made no sense, I read the card to myself, and then I had to fix my face from the makeup I washed away from my tears.
I also wrote a letter to Darren on our wedding day, very early as I could not sleep, a note of hopes, wishes, and the love I feel for him. I hope to share these with our child one day, and someday they too will find a love like we did, unexplainable and grand given by our Lord.

Day 1

We are married and Day 1has come and gone.  Its still very surreal, it feels the same but also better.  There is a great love that I felt and I wanted to give to Darren and I think I did by taking my vows. 
Still very exhausted, but here are some photos from rehearsal dinner, before photos and our after party.

Tock...

It's nearly here. I walk down the aisle in a few minutes and I am so glad that we have decided to spend the rest of our lives together. To grow and and experience so much more. I am ready to tackle the hard times and enjoy our great times. To see us become a family and be the best we can be, together. I am excited and anxious for forever.

Tick...

Another busy day, it may not have been a day of office work but it has been another extremely tiring day. Had a cavity taken care of, too costly. Got things loaded, finally taken to the church and set up decorations. Dinner with my family, some cornhole playing, laundry and cake ball making. It's been chaotic but it's got to be worth it. Its still surreal,I do not feel like its really hit me and I thought it would be more of a rush, a great excitement. Maybe when I am all made up, hair done and i slip into my dress it will all come to me. Tomorrow some running around, relaxation and my DVF vintage dress. Less than 2 days...