Moments

 This time of year I reminisce about some moments that happened in 2010.  The trip we got engaged on, it was our second year to Toronto and now we are on our 5^th trip.  Something’s we never forget, this is one of the most vivid weekends I can recall.  The feelings, the shock, the whole scene replaying in my head for the rest of the weekend.  It’s hard to believe that we will be celebrating our second anniversary in just a few weeks and the whirlwind of planning a wedding in less than a year, from saying our “I Do’s” to relishing the time together surrounded by an amazing support system.  I can still see that hotel room, the pool and the ickyness I thought of it.  This weekend is almost like the moments at the Speedway over Memorial Day weekend, I hope to never forget how we met that led us to this moment.  I have to admit last year was a tough one and I believe this year started a little rough but right now it is amazing to see how much I feel we have each evolved, how much I have changed, in order to be a stronger, selfless partner (still working on this), sharing in life, home with all the little to big parts that make us and our dynamic.  It's quite a treat to know how a simple conversation brought us this far, looking for to adventure to continue.

Countdown

I have been keeping track of quite a few upcoming events, I have found that doing this helps in looking forward to more than the big events.  Seeing each one on my calendars (yes, I keep several to track home, office and work), and my countdown app makes it easier to know that there are quite a few small items to make it past before our big ones come to be.  Things to look forward to and make the tough, exhausting days a little easier to take on. It's like the excitement of going back to the dorms to see your closest friends and sisters come together from different parts of the globe for another exciting year of memories and adventures.  The joy and treasure of welcoming a new family member into the world after seeing them grow in the belly of someone you love and care for.  Being a part of special momentous occasions of those near and dear.  It is seeing your favorite people mingle in making new friends and connections, a party surrounded in love, laughs and my favorite-noise.  Its whispering a secret that makes the reality of it so much better, its making your kid sister from enemy to best friend, eating ice cream on a hot summer day and running in the rain on a steamy night.  Finding the perfect dress for that night out.  A water gun (propeller, as I had to say when working at camps) fight that makes the hot sun that much more sweet.  
In this, I keep thinking how close we are and hope to be in our home life.  The house has definitely changed and morphed into our (possibly forever-as Darren likes to think) home by the strength of Darren's hands along with those that have helped in its process-from my wonderful father to our friends.  It's a blessing to think that God has this for all of us and while trying to live in the moment that he has given us while looking towards an adventurous future that he has still in store for us.  
I guess countdowns may never lose their magic in making memories and adventures no matter the age.  They help me remember to be thankful for I have been given so much more than I could have imagined and its getting through the everyday moments that make it so much sweeter.  One item on my countdown before our 2 year anniversary and two more after that for our fall cruise.  I am certain to make more dates to look forward to but trying to enjoy this time before its gone.

Meet Mc

Short for my momma car, she is my new ride and so far our relationship is working out exceptionally well.  I had to think about a name that meant she made it into my heart and well I started calling her my mom car because of the convenience that comes with her model and space I never thought about.  She has some sparkle to make her black exterior glisten in the sun, connects to my iPhone and of course the 4 doors and back loading that makes it plentiful for all the crazy errands I run.  But of course Darren's favorite part is how she can change light colors through the interior, does not matter if its daylight and you can't tell, he is already playing with the switch.

I think MC and I are going to have some great memories and hopefully she is up for the challenge for years to come.  

Well rounded

I started doing some research on what foods should be consumed by a distance runner.  The week of the mini marathon, Darren cuts out soda and drinks water.  Well I was thinking how hard it is to carbo load him in his preparation of 13.1miles (from downtown Indy, thru speedway, around the track and back to the center of the city) as he does not eat pasta and he crashes after its all over.  I do not know if its age or just his bodies reaction of needing being completely fueled, I am going with his lack of fulfilling his bodies needs as men is are supposed to become better runners with age.  Either way I came up with some light options for dinner and kept fruit on hand to grab and go.  Making protein a priority as well as veggies in order to have a well rounded nutrients for his body to store and use on the long run.  It ended up being a success for a staring point as Darren dropped about 4 minutes since last year but of course the weather was quite a bit cooler making the run much more manageable.  For my hard work Darren will be taking me to a musical of my choice come fall.  And I will get to do this meal plan all over again for his 7 miler in the middle of summer while pushing him to eat all that's on his plate.

Happy

Happiness comes from...
•Packages with great fashion stuffed inside.
•A niece that thinks your her jungle gym.
•Pumpkin carving with Darren and the excitement of lighting them up.
•Darren getting his hobby on, autographs of course.
•Delicious, sweet treats to share with family at holidays.
•Snow days that make you feel like a kid but this time your cleaning it up instead of playing in it.
•Experiencing once in a lifetime historical events and Darren going along with it cause its what I wanted.
•Bicycling together as dusk came in.
•Pink cupcakes for the niece that only cares about the homemade frosting- a recipe only a mother in law could help with.
•The odd eater of avocado and spoons of frosting that only a 3 year olds pallet would crave.
•And Tegan playing nice one minute and locking up Uncle Darren the next all the while playing princess.

Sorry I have been gone but busy season is almost over. More soon on happiness, craziness, busy-ness, photos of the sassy niece and growing up.

Another day

New Year's Eve started great, left work early to go to the Pacer game then rushing home to get dressed for a great dinner with friends.  We relaxed, enjoyed each others company, filled up with some hibachi and slight entertainment in the process.  It felt like it was going to be another chance at starting the new year off right.  Then to get back home and the anticipation of midnight died off as we realized that we all were a little tired.  With our friends retreating a couple hours to go before the first of January I realized how this became another year that was being replayed by a few before.  Just the two of us watching a movie, making it past midnight to go straight to bed.  No "happy New Years" being chimed from loved ones or champagne to drink, hugs and kisses to be given to those around, but instead we got washed up and in bed.  If I ever felt old in age it was this moment, occurring for the 4th year in a row, no loved ones to share the moment with that make it even more special, (to me, big moments/celebrations should always be shared).  Life has changed and not the way I  thought it would but it did.   Mostly this made me think, how was I going to change this pace, cycle, comfort/discomfort?  I need to make a change is all I have been thinking.  If this is a new year what am I going to make it about?  What will be my focus for change and fufillment?  I realized that even though I have many personal goals for the year and some that will roll into the years to come until I can reach them but I still want more for this year.  I want more out of each day, for myself, my marriage, Darren, career and social life.  I want to be greater than I am, then I thought this needs to be the year of happy.  Then I thought this year should be about us, Darren and I, a year for us to accomplish our goals, enjoy each day we have together.  To live it up for ourselves.  This year is going to be about us for me and about living in the moment.  I am looking forward to it as we take on new challenges and meet our goals.  Watch out 2013, I am here to live it up and not worry about the past but live up the moments we are given.

Last journey

Last week I drove Ruby, my truck, for the last time. I spent just over ten years traveling in Ruby and while the passengers came and went she and I were going strong all this time. Atleast as well as it could given the different times she could not pull through for me but giving me a break from whatever I was supposed to be doing. I grew up in college and Ruby was right there to get me from one point to another. I turned up the radio and sang along to my favorite songs, drove with the windows down while the wind tangled my hair, slept at rest stops on the way to and from school. I took time to use the back roads in her, laughed at the conversations I had with others. I drove all my siblings in her, rides to the beach, grocery and other places. Turned my led foot on as I escaped the city and at times myself. With drive thru's, phone calls, living out of a bag in the backseat when work days turned into late nights or a sleepover. Helping me move in and out of the dorms, my first apartment and then into our home. She always had the room for buying all the lumber and sheetrock for our home renovations. Ruby was indeed faithful until she had her moments when she just was not feeling it which let me know she needed more than just up keep-she was getting lots of miles on her and giving me memories.

So on my last drive from our home to my parents it made me think about all the times I spent in Ruby. She is back with my parents who lent her to me all this time. I could not even tell you the day I named her but I always defended her when my MC girlfriends tried to call her something else.

Another chapter in my life closes, and a new one has already started with our "family car," the cube. Soon I will figure out a name for it, we just have to get acquainted. After all I did just spend more than a decade with a great lady.

I am

I am Mrs. D, as much as I have resisted in changing my name in fear of losing who I am and how I have evolved into a great woman because of the many people who have loved and helped in forming who I am.
I am Mrs. D, the person who likes to have everything completed In a timely manner but still took 6 months after marriage to change it legally on all documentation.
I am Mrs. D, I am the wife of a wonderful man, he loves me despite my inner struggle, my pet peeves, my OCD tendencies. He loves me as his wife and friend, his partner in life.
I am Mrs. D, the woman who loves this marriage and will work everyday to make a great home for my husband and family. Leaving my issues behind so that I can live in the moment that God has blessed us with and looking forward to the journey he has in store for us.
I am Mrs. D, I am a stubborn, strong headed woman, christian God fearing lady, who only wants to do her best in everything that comes my way, a people pleaser but also confident in who I have become. I know that the blessings are in part of sacrifice that my husband has made and the grace of God that has carried us through.
I am Mrs. D, and I will make sure everyone says and spells our last name correctly- yes is is a capital B and it matters to me.
I am Mrs. D, and I cannot wait to grow old with my Mr. D.

Vacation

A couple weeks ago we went to church and I have become extremely excited about the new series that we are currently going thru. Our series is Modern Families and the teachings during service have been really great, with ways to do new things/challenges/homework in the marriage. We missed the first week with friends in town and also missed our first small group gathering as it was right after first service, thank goodness our church puts the audio online to listen to at a later date. Something that really stuck with me was that one of our group leaders for small group stated "take a vacation from your issues," something I know I have a hard time doing. We all carry baggage but we also have different ways to cope with each situation that arises and it made me realize that I have a hard time with my pet peeves and just letting it be. Do not get me wrong, when we take a real vacation and get away I really do not worry about the things at home so much as I do when I am at home. I have such high expectations of myself in my various roles from wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and volunteer. For example I want to keep a great home but not be devoured by expectations that I make it an issue, which I am very good at, it can make a good day into an awful day based on how I looked at the situation instead of just taking it as it comes and making the most of it and even when I tried to turn my attitude around I kept thinking about what else could have been done. I recognized this after the fact when I heard the quote at small group that I have issues and need to give it a vacation. It ruins the fun in life and my relationships take a toll. I wrote it on my bathroom mirror as a daily reminder to stop carrying the pressure I give to myself and put on Darren because he cannot read my mind but is willing to help where he can to make life easier on us. I guess I just needed to hear that no matter how little or large the issue I/we can always take a break and get back to it later-whatever it might be.

Things

•I like to take hot baths- no bubbles
•I want to start my career- where are you?!?
•I sometimes wash dishes in diluted bleach and warm soapy water- mostly plastic containers (I don't know of anyone else who does this besides my mom)
•I have a huge fear of salmonila, we cook chicken a lot and I wash my hands a lot and the utensils used
•I share little about myself even with close friends
•I have a nearly weekly phone date with my mother in law- she's so easy to talk to and it helps in sharing/learning from a wise woman and understanding Darren
•I fear what the future holds- success, failure, family and trying to hand it over to God
•I am having a hard time with how I was raised in religious aspect and how I am currently at a non denomonation church- feeling like I lost something great as I have grown up trying to seperate from it all
•Knowing that my niece is attending church with my mom and sister gives me great appreciation that Luz is giving Tegan the option and a great experience
•paranoid does not begin to describe how I feel at times
•I fear being ill, and warn people to stay away and sanitize my workspace often
•I am constantly trying to work on myself as a person, friend, wife, daughter
•only now as an adult do I not care what other people think of me- I am a great person and always working on improving my attitude and more

Just some things I realized recently and hope to face my challenges, give more time in the various relationships that are of upmost importance. I hope to become a better wife, more understanding and giving of myself and setting my frustrations aside from work and home.