just pure happiness

When I think of pure happiness I think...

Inperfect beauty, joyful sounds, hot sand beneath my feet, family, a childs enthusiasm, adventures, delicious foods, growing up, accomplishments, future hopes and dreams, living in the present, laughing until you cry, acting like a child.  I think about great conversations, catching up with an old friend to phone dates, just calling to say hello or because I saw or heard something that made me think of them.  I think about the chaos that made me who I am and the bright sunshine that is part of me.  Pure happiness is what I will let it be and it can consume me if I just breathe.  So I say BREAThe to myself, enjoy the moment, laugh off the ridiculousness that occurred.  Getting to know the new people in my life, that makes me happy. And so much more

She Finally Arrived!

So I know I am late on this one as I have been plenty busy with school and work.  But my niece Tegan Brileigh arrived on Monday.  And of course she would after I drove up 3 hours, could not get a good nights sleep when I finally got to my Folks place and then the 3 hour drive back.  I like to say that she just came Fashionably late, 4 days after we were expecting her.  Either way I am excited to meet here when I am able to make my next trip up North.  I will have to get some awesome photos of her and as of right now I know very little because mom knows very little for some unknown reason.

Another thing I have been thinking about quite a bit, traveling.  I am so excited for what is to come for Darren and I in regards to our trips planned starting next month.  Last week in March we are heading to Florida, while Darren is driving I will be flying out in the evening after my class on a Saturday.  I am super excited as we enjoyed ourselves last year.  I am ready for warmer weather, the track, Dave's Dockside Grill, the beach, time off from work and just relaxing.  Plus some shopping at the Boutiques I have found in the St. Pete area that we will be staying in.  Its a trip we are both looking forward to.

still to come

Tegan is still to arrive.  She may be just a bit comfortable in the womb and while Luz was in the hospital for about 24hrs and having strong contractions they just did not get too close and she did not dialate further than 3cm but was 90% efaced.  It was odd, my sister Luz is walking with her IV and talking to me about movies and such then it comes, every lap around the Birthing floor but at different points.  She cannot tolerate pain in any way but she did a great job of breathing through each contraction and her husband Tim was right there with her to talk to her and hold on to her.  I know some about childbirthing thanks to Human Sexuality course in college and from hearing stories.  PS I have no desire to see it in person or be in that position, it kinda scares me. I also had some pics of my sisters walking around the hospital but managed to erase them as I was trying to clear my memory card. BOO on me!  But they released her from the hospital this afternoon to go home and try to move things along, which being at home doing things may be better for her than laying around and trying to walk and being connected to machines.  She will go back to see the Dr tomorrow and see what the plan is, I vote it will be Wednesday before she has Tegan but she said no way.  She cannot wait that much longer, and will suggest the Dr induce her labor.  So the wait is still on.

Still Waiting...

As of right now, 8:30 pm on Wednesday the 10th of February, Tegan has not made her arrival.
I am still ill, although what started as a sinus infection seems to have morphed into congestion in my head and even after I think I cannot blow my nose any more I somehow need to 10 seconds later.
And right now I am procrastinating, I am supposed to be studying for my test on Saturday for Anatomy & Physiology. 
But also ready for my new home, wherever it is.  And Florida, 44 more days until my flight.
I am listening to Dashboard Confessional, a mix Cd thanks to my Love Malissa.  Its great.  And right now I do not know all of the lyrics so it makes it easier to concentrate on my work rather than get caught up in singing.  Ps Malissa is great at making CDs but even more she is just awesome.  This is not me smooching or sucking up, but genuinely speaking of my best friend.
Also when ordering items on Wal-Mart site to store, the items may make it to your store of choice quite a bit sooner than they initially anticipate.  I ordered that baby bath for Tegan on Sunday and Received an e-mail today that it is already at the Michigan City store waiting for pick.  As they had initially stated that it would be there next weekend, the 21st.  So thats nice.
ALso have been thinking about some festivities for the new place.  An Indy 500 Pre-party is in the talks, as well as a girls weekend.  So hopefully I can make those plans and get ready for some new great memories.

Christmas 2008

One of the Twins with another Cousin, Cecilia

the countdown begins

So, this countdown is for my niece, she is supposed to arrive by the 11th of this week.  And it would be grand.  I am quite excited and most of it may be with the"hype" of a first, biological, niece and the first grandchild in our family.  She could bring/add some much needed baby love as we have yet to experience it as a family but always from the extensions of our families.  If that made any sense.  Tegan is sure to be a hit with all of us.  Edina, the baby girl of our family, has made a dress, bloomers and hat for Tegan, she is pretty good with the sewing machine.  While Eze seems to be unphased by the baby or being an unlce from what I can tell when speaking on the phone with him, he is too busy with playing Wii games and anything else that is not "boring" to him. 
Today I actually, finally, purchased a baby bath for Tegan that Luz wanted from her registry and did not receive at her baby shower.  She seems pretty excited about it and I am sure she will get plenty of use from it.  I also made her a few trinkets for Teegan's room, although I am unsure on how they are displayed I am sure it looks great.  I am looking forward to seeing my sister grow into her mother role and already can imagine Tegan growing up.  And hopefully I will have her at our house for sleepovers every once in awhile cause it would be fun and 3 hours apart is quite a bit, just do not want to see her grow up between visits but be a part of the experience. 
My parents know me better, kids are not in my near future.  One, I am missing the whole married part and am in no rush for that either.  And I am glad that they have no desire to push me on those subjects.  Atleast with my little cousins, Darren's nephews and Tegan we can play and have fun then go home to some quiet relaxation.  I will admit that I do enjoy spending large amounts of time with my siblings, but they are a little easier to get ready and go but not as easy to keep entertained and they can talk back, mostly Eze as he can think he is king of the house, not my house.   I like going to the zoo, ballparks, beach and so forth but the amazment that a child sees and enjoys from those trips is what makes it worth the effort. 
As Malissa and I say and know, we are not kid people, although she is maybe an extreme or 2 higher than I. She too will be in aunt later this year but her brother lives in another state so that would make it easier for her.  I will be looking forward to seeing her interact with a baby. 
Also, a biG THank You to our friends and family, we have only 1 wedding this summer, late August to be exact.  And its in Texas, so if I have the opportunity to fly out there I will be on my own but it depends on funds and if its not the same weekend we are supposed to be in California.  Either way, its going to be a less busy summer than the last. 
PS 47 days for flight check-in, Florida I am so ready.

A winding week

Its been a wild week, slow but busy and I have of course have become ill with a sinus infection.  I have been studying for my first big test and tonight was productive and even more so if you include the constant nose wiping.  And even though I am using Kleenex with lotion my nose has become raw and painful.  I guess I just do not get it, I have never had so many minor health issues than I have this past Fall into winter.  I believe this is the 3rd or 4th time I have had issues and of course do not have the means of seeing a Dr.  It is what it is and I hope I do not have to worry so much about the runny, tickle in the back of the throat and congestion problems during my test on Saturday. 
We (Darren & I) are hopefully going to be seeing his nephews this Saturday.  I am looking forward to it, as the boys bring some great entertainment and are fun to be child like and play around.  The older one is a Wii kind of laying across his mom on the recliner backwards and still hits a great shot in golf, with the wave of his arm.
I spoke to my mother yesterday during lunch, we talked about the usual.  One main subject was my sister Luz, she is getting quite close to her due date and well, I am pretty excited to see her become a full fledged mother and meet Miss Tegan.  My sister has "dropped," and about a week to go.  Although I may not be able to be at the birth, which I am not too sure I can handle it I will be there as soon I can and am glad and blessed that everything thus far has gone great and they are both healthy.
I enjoy the small things, the small talk and yesterday Darren surprised me but then again I think its just him at his finest.  We opted to grab something quick for dinner as I ended up at work slightly longer than was expected.  We decided on Pam's Pit Stop Pizza, its close to home and just as close to the track.  I drove he ordered and then we headed over to fill up Ruby and he offered to pump then we came home and had dinner.  And he made me tea 2 nights in a row now.  Its just the small things. 
There is supposed to be quite a bit of snow coming down between tonight through tomorrow then the evening.  Ps I am not a fan of snow, sure its pretty when its coming down but if its snowing that means its pretty cold out and I am not friends with cold weather or being cold.  Yes, I usually walk around the apartment with sweats and a blanket wrapped around me.  I wear socks to sleep in because I cannot stand the feeling of my cold feet touching another part of me.  I wear the same wool sweater over my thin sweater over my dress shirt to work because its also usually cold there.  Just tell it to go away, My friend Amy will take it and I am sure quite a few other people, just not me here in Indy.  I want to go to work tomorrow, I have quite a few things to work on and I want to see my roomie for Sushi tomorrow night and run errands.  Just do not let it snow until late Friday night, It can however cancel school on Saturday morning so that I can study more as I am stressed.  That it can cure ever so slightly.

busy

Well this week has been quite busy, you may notice as I have not blogged since Tuesday.  I have been busy with work and then coming home to try study, and not give in to whatever distraction may occur.  I also try to make time for Darren and I, usually happening while we prep the food and have dinner.  Things are going alright, nothing comes easy, its just to continue to take my complete attention as well as time set aside and all that good stuff. 
I did so completely crash yeasterday afternoon for over an hour, it may have even been 2.  Of course this only came as I was just closing my eyes and the phone rang.  It was the ringtone that I use for everyone so I had to take a peek, it was Ashley and as I have been thinking about her I answered and we spent some time catching eash other up.  After that call I turned back around in the couch and the phone rang again but this time It was my parents ringtone which meant the call could be coming from the house or either one of my parents cell phones and with my sister a few weeks from her due date you just never know.  As I had spoken to mom earlier, I figured it might be her again. But when I picked up the phone it was Dad's cell and it was also him on the line, my mom has the habit of using whoever's cell phone is the closest or fully charged.  Dad wanted to know about my tax papers (my parents take care of that) and catch up.  I had not mailed them to him due to not making it over to the post office.  He asked how things are going, to update on my paperwork.  And as always told me to take care and a little secret for me and the rareity of "I love you baby."  I am my dad's baby, I think this happens in mose families, no matter how much we grow up our parents still see us as children.  And as I got off the phone I let Darren know it was dad, and of course Darren asked if Dad was angry (Darren asking and saying that people are angry is a whole other story kind of like his need to swat), and I responded that Dad is never angry at me.  Then it finally happend my maybe 2 hour nap.  It was awesome! Very much needed as I had plans to hang out with Chad and the guys while they were in town. 

The guys were here for Indiana Winterfest, which is a brewers festival.  They came up last year and it was fun to go out with them.  We had dinner at the Ram and I got to see Mr H, Chads dad and of course being complementive let me know that I was looking great, so it was 5 gentlemen and myself,  Dad headed back to the hotel as the rest of us then headed to Alcatraz for a drink, then Rock Bottom (or as Ray likes to call it Bottoms up).  Ray is his own story and I would not even know where to begin.  Now Drew and I had this amazing carrot cake that we shared last year.  So as we got situatedat Rock Bottom I ordered the cake.  I had not looked at the menu as I had picked a choice beverage that the waitress recommended.  As we are waiting, out come the drinks then she brings out this tiny almost cupcake looking but not.  She said that this was how they made it, they had made the cake in house and most people did not buy it as It was a huge piece, and we replied thats why you share it.  Drew and I were very much disappointed as it did not taste the same, the consistency was off and not so much carrot cake at all.  Appearantly the restaruant decided that it would be a good idea to join the fad of single person desserts, ps I hate fads.  After that disappointment we trecked over to the Wild Beaver Saloon, which is a bar and of course does not have to comply with the law and is a smoking establishment.  But here the guys met some firefighters, totally was complimented on for my fab Juicy Couture glasses, and also had a few life lessons on relationships from Drew and Mike.  This was Mike's first trip down with the guys as he did not join them last year.  It was helpful, I can take a males advice from the stand point that they are in the shoes that I may not always understand.  They gave me some insight as they both have been married for awhile and have the whole family thing going.  So I had a few things to think about.  Drew got us, myself and Mike, a Washington apple shot and it was actually delicious.  Not too much.  Then Chad and I seperated from the group to take a walk back and make sure we catch up on each others lives.  We talk from time to time on the phone and text but we always have great conversation and being that we are each others sound boards and best friends we had to make sure to just breathe our lives to one another.  It was a great night.  I will have to post some photos once Chad gets those to me as I took like 3 photos all night long, I guess I just got carried away in the excitement of hanging out with some great men. 

Life in Images

As one can imagine.  I/We capture a lot of our lives thanks to the wonderful technology of digital cameras, I like to say that I got Darren Addicted while he may have helped me in trespassing for photos.

These are from early October 2009, Darrens's Nephews.  It was our first experience carving pumpkins with them and hopefully not the last.  Not only did we get to spend time with them but we got to be slightly artsy.

These are from one of my favorite places around Indy, Fort Ben.  There is always something new to discover and they also have great paths that allow me to escape reality until Darren decides to speak.

And we enjoy traveling, Florida, Toronto Canada or Ohio to name a few places.  And even if it is usually because of IndyCar races.  Its still a great time and it was all in the enjoyment with the sun.
Its actually how we met, at the Indianapolis 500 May 25, 2009.  This is the ideal Darren story, it involves Indy Car while it may not be the story I thought I would tell everyone.  But it is and that does not make a "fairy tale" story but its our story.

Other things that we enjoy: concerts Top L is at the Indiana Fairgrounds and we got to see Jeremy Camp, Darren is a history buff so the top C and Far R are from Gettysburg,  Of course we enjoy each other, seen above, as I take a photo of us as we are leaving Gettysburg last summer. We enjoy my "babies," Edina and Eze when they visit even if we are a little boring for Eze.   We always try to make it out to the track, Indiana Downs is in Shellbyville and there we place a few bets.  One of my favorite past times, Football and to be more specific Notre Dame University.  I grew up on it, we all have our ND gear as well as my niece will soon have her Cheerleading outfit like my sisters had when they were younger.  I always look forward to my stadium hot dog and we always have great seats thanks to my folks as they are season ticket holders.  And of course if you come from my family we always like to celebrate everything and anything.  In the bottom R, my sister and Brother-in-law at their very casual beach wedding with my folks. 

There will be more of these kind of blogs because I just like capturing it all.

thinking

I think too much. Very pensive about anything and everything in my life. From the present situations with life, school, moving and so forth and then I caught myself at church today, thinking about aging. I guess it never really occurred to me until I was looking at an older woman of the congregation, not sure how old but I looked at her hands. I guess Hispanic people lose there color, there is a mix of light skin and almost like dots, different circular shapes that are darker. Is that what will happen to me, will the melanin of my skin just give up.
I am thinking about the next move, whenever it gets all figured out. I DO NOT like packing, DO NOT like carrying heavy boxes and DO NOT like getting re-situated. But it has to happen and in the end will make life slightly easier. I did decide that no box will be too heavy that I by myself cannot carry it. Currently I have been hauling about 4-6 different size boxes that my co-workers set aside. PS Magazine paper does not cushion the way newspaper does, go figure.
I am thinking about how I about to become an aunt, a biological aunt. How my sister's life is about to change drastically and she is excited. Plus we did buy all that great baby clothes in November anticipating her arrival. How my role is an aunt is going to be very different from the roles that my aunts have been in my life because we all lived in the same city and I grew up in most of their homes.
I am thinking about school. How I rush myself, I get anxious and not in a good way. I stress it and then over-prepare and also under-prepare. And what am I thinking, of course I want to do this for me but also I am 25 and still have yet to obtain the goals of greatness with the knowledge of my first degree. But they can be accomplished together and at different paces. Right?!
I am thinking that I do not want to get caught up in the things that other people get caught up in. I want to take each day and tackle it. I want to breathe easier and not like I am rushing through life. I want to multi-task without over-working myself. I do not want to find myself in a position of being burned out.
I am thinking about the best remedy for exhaustion when I cannot sleep well or can only take short "power" naps because that is all my body will allow me. And also the best beverage in regards to waking up. I rarely have caffeine or flavored drinks. Almost always with a bottle of water at hand. But that does not really get me going. Finding the best sleep cycle may help. Taking it easy, as it comes, and getting back to a gym routine may help it all. PS a new Ipod will need to be in the works with that as well. MOM!!!!!!

being a teen

I somehow came upon an old, old male friend. In my early teens there was this friend, there were four of us, my cousin and I and his cousin, and life happened and we lost contact, which was probably for the best anyway. I started thinking about how it was being a teen, a young teen. Pre-Driving teen. It was an awkward stage for me, like most I guess. It was not knowing what to do, being told what to do, how to dress, how to act, finding myself through others words. It was a tiring growing up constant cycle. I was kinda one of the boys which is hard to believe because I have so many more female cousins. It was growing into my body and what a teen was. I do not know how my parents felt about me at this stage because I was never a trouble maker. While I definitely had my moments, probably stemming from the fear of growing up. I also had an easy childhood. My parents have always been great providers but there were discussions that were definitely never came up and I feel into the role of seeing my cousins grow up. I spent most of my time with my grandparents, on my mothers side. I went everywhere, usually on some kind of vacation and church activities, as apa (grandpa) was a pastor. I grew up in the church, under a magnifying glass and expectations of my mother in regards to choices that pertained to being a part of the congregation while my father pushed me into my athletics but both expected me to excel in academics. With little guidance, neither one of my parents have a college degree. It was a whole new area but I knew it too would happen and we walked that walk. My parents, a few years ago.

I recall not being the closest to my mother, I do not know why as I always hear about how my girlfriends, most anyway are best friends with their mothers. There was definitely a lot of pressure. Difference being that my mother grew up with 10 siblings, there were different expectations in a time that was in some ways easier. But I LOve them, they made a great person, I like to think. They worked hard to provide a life beyond what they had and somehow they raised 5 children, 2 still at home. I grew up in a much more pressure filled society, my cousins that were my age did not have the same expectations that my parents had for me, they had a whole other set even if they in some ways overlap. I did not have the buffers of siblings/cousins my age that were held to the same expectations in the church and in life as a whole. I have always been close to my dad, he has been easier to talk to, while that may have changed in the last couple of years with my mom. He has been more calm, less criticizing and more constructive but also avoided the different conversations, maybe because he never thought he had to have them with me. I speak to my mom more now, like in college. I try not to get caught up in life because I know she too has stories, thoughts, feelings and wants someone to listen. It has been a roller coaster and right now we are smooth sailing. Even though there are sometimes I want to "divorce" her, give her space and myself time to think about what was said. She has had a hard time with us growing up and moving away and I think she also has a problem with sharing me the way I have a hard time sharing my family with others.

And I just love this picture of baby, Spring break in INdy with me 2008.