I am realizing how hard it is to grow up. It took about 5 attempts, calling my dad for his information, to figure out how to renew my license plates and still it could only be mailed to my parents house. I have been living in the area for 3 years next month and have yet to update my license, I do not even know where the BmV is and do not care to visit- I still have another year before my license expires and I will drag it out as long as possible.

I am finding that I have to make decisions as an adult. I have to think about all my responsibilities and priorities. I do not want to be a grown up but I know I cannot live off of my parents when I need something. I missed my nieces first birthday because I knew I had to think about the long run. I know that living here is hard and growing up is harder.

It's a shower

So I have decided after many different thoughts and conversations that I should break down and have a bridal shower. I enjoyed myself when I was helping with friends events and now it can be my turn to enjoy my friends. I got some details together with Malissa this weekend and also for the wedding.  So we will see how it all turns out. 

We attempted to purchase invites while we were out running errands but even at the outlets their selection was rather limited.  I did look at actual wedding invitations and right now I am struggling- my latest stress has been finding the right invitation and going against what I wanted.  I originally wanted to design the invitations but have also found some great sets out there with response cards and envelopes which can in turn be a less expensive route.  I saw Darren's invite list and his friends list, in my opinion, is out of control, which equals more invites to buy.  Being home today due to the weather I continued my search through wedding paper divas and its scary to see the price which does not include response cards and envelopes.  Even if the price goes down with the more you buy it can still get out of control.  So I have no idea in which direction I am going in just yet but I do know that I have to get the envelopes to my mom's friend for all the penmanship, I rather not have them typed and even less want to share my not so good handwriting on all the envelopes.  I was hoping to have these to her on my next visit home which is 2 weeks from this Saturday otherwise I will have to mail them which is just as feasible.
I expect to see a pimple pop in the next couple of days due to this stress and add maybe a pound with all the junk I will consume today for having to stay at home rather than be at work.  So don't stare.

Also I finally took a photo of Kyle, this past weekend which makes I believe for my first photo not on my phone for the year, this is sad.

Yes or no??

So a few weeks ago a girlfriend asked if I was having a bridal shower and although we had already talked about this I again said no and explained my reasoning.  It can become a stressful situation leading up to the day and until things get going.  My reasons for not having a shower and that somehow my mom was okay with are: stress, planning, organizing, location-considering that I would have to go to the Bend for this event.  No one in my family has asked, I do not know if they are expecting one or if they have not thought about it since life has been crazy and we have just recovered from Christmas.  And if the wrangle one up I blame it on my mom.
Nikki made me think about it, more than I had initially.  So I touched base with Malissa and let her know that it is on my mind now, yes it would be great to just have some girlfriends and get together- a social event.  (Although I am sure Chad would be up to the challenge I would not do that to him)  It would be good to have a small group of friends in one place and enjoy some time together.  (I only got up to 2 people on the guest list, mostly because I have been distracted but could come up with maybe 10) But I am not set either way.
Mind you the house would be the place and that means stress for me because I have to make sure it is presentable before hand.  I since this conversation have been attempting to weigh the pros and cons.  Darren is all about this, he is ready to receive.  Another thing is figuring out a date, Malissa can only be in town so many times, including this weekend.  Its a 5 hour drive and really when she is here I do not want to share her or make it about planning the whole time around this event.  The next time she will be in town will be for the race which is an already busy weekend for us.  Then the wedding.
Another thing is that Darren and I have opted to not sign up for a registry.  We are still in the process of putting his home/apartment and mine into the house.  We have a few needs but not like most engaged couples. 
I am torn because it would definitely be a great time with some friends and then not so much because of not needing to figure out the minor things to make it all come together.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Experiences to move me either way?  Malissa has to have the final answer by this weekend when she is here.  PS 3 more days!

I survived

This past Sunday I went to my first bridal show. One of my co-workers came with me and it was a good way to see what options are possible for the wedding. It was a slow start with some goals set it made it that much easier. We ate way too much cake, had some wine, and explored different options. Of course my main goal was to find a vendor for tent, tables & chairs. But none existed. It had plenty of options for photographers, catering, cake and flowers but not what I was on the hunt for. It was a good experience but some booths they kinda were after you, mostly people who were for venues, and it felt great to say yes and keep walking. I survived even after about 4 slices of cake.
This week we also had our first Pre-marriage counseling session and it went really well. A way to listen, talk on and reflect about the bigger picture. Making this relationship last and giving to each other. So even after all the nervousness I survived that this week as well.
Although I am still trying to make it through this illness, I woke up fine Monday morning went to work and then was breathing and it did not feel alright. Of course as the week goes on it gets worse. Feeling exhausted, painful coughing, slightly runny nose and a sore throat. I figured it was nothing and would come and go before the end of the week- but it did not. Finally I gave in and stayed home from work on Friday and went to the minute clinic. Needless to say I had contracted acute bronchitis, got some mess came home and slept off and on all day. Tomorrow will be day 3 of my antibiotic and I will venture out, not for long but enough to get me going. Plus being cooped up for 2 days is too much. Darren has been such a great sport, he spoke with a pharmacist earlier this week and got some OTC medicine, found salmon and a baked potato for my dinner last night and has checked in on me as much as another person can. I have been wanting my mommy all week but Darren has been very great at taking care of me when I am not 100 percent. Thanks also to Shana and Mrs. D for checking in, it has been a downward spiral of a week. Now I have to get better for when Malissa comes into town, 5 days.

thoughts

Today makes it 188 days until the wedding.  And while the house is still in the final stages of renovation I have been figuring out what am I going to do about this wedding, there are still so many details to figure out.  My next task is to figure out the best place to rent the tent(s), chairs and tables then figure out table settings, we still have invites and favors.  I am totally going with plastic table settings as we will be outside and I have no desire to rent those items.  Also today I will be attending my first bridal show- a co-worker of mine agreed to come along for the ride, and I anticipate to take in quite a few ideas and figure out my last vendors or at the very least have more direction in what we can do to finish up the major stuff.  I have been deciding about some of the minor details, in my opinion, deciding whether or not to order a cake serving set to cut the cake but we definitely will not feed each other.  I have also found that there are a lot of cheesy love/wedding things out there.  I received a magazine and liked some of the designs but then the wording was too much for me (two hearts, best friends, etc.), oh gag me!  Sorry I am not a cheesy person and I know that maybe at one point I was but then I grew up.   I need to get to my list of things that need to get done and what has been completed.  There are also quite a few traditional wedding things that we are opting out of and a couple I am debating on.  Traditionally you would have a Bible given to the couple, I am on the fence on this one so I think that if my mom does not say anything than we can opt out of it- I have issues with sharing.  I figure that since we are not doing a lot of the traditional things why should we have to do others.  There will be NO bouquet or garter toss, no feeding of the cake, no flower girl, no exchanging of the rings.  Heck my best friend is a man so you know this one will be slightly different. 

I think I am beginning to stress myself out so to change the subject. 

Yesterday we went up to Illinois State University to see a basketball game and got to see my friend Chris for a little bit, yes that was nice.  Mostly because its Chris and we made it out of Barton and he is finishing up grad school.  I hope to see him in May but if not hopefully at the wedding.  He is so great to talk to.

*My good deed for the week was cleaning up the snow in the driveway Tuesday night after getting home before Darren.  I felt sneaky, thinking he might show while I was shoveling.  But I worked up an appetite and felt great about myself.  This may not happen ever again.  I would have taken a photo but then I got inside and out of the boots to make my dinner.  I also ate 2 doughnuts-I figured I worked for them.

*I am counting down until the arrival of Malissa and then Chad and the rest of the men will be in town for winter fest for a 3rd year.  This means wedding planning and then a good night downtown.  I will also be celebrating Malissa's birthday while she is here.

*This Thursday will be the 2nd of 3 fitness boot camps that Doc gave the team as part of our Christmas gift.  I am still feeling this past Thursday's workout and am beginning to believe that wearing heels did not help the healing process.

*This Thursday will also be our first Counseling session- I am both nervous and anxious to see how exactly this works.  And what the homework will be all about.

*Its day 16 in January and we have yet to take any photos, we are slacking but that will change soon.

A new week

Alright. I have had a ton of thoughts about everything and anything. So much going on around me. Today I went to a gym, toured the facility but it just did not impress me. First of all it was packed.

Yesterday we, Darren and I, met with a photographer. I found her through a patient at the office and she had nothing but great things to say. Considering that I have been searching for a photographer since shortly after the planning started it was great to be led to a person who would have a great personality. It's nice that we got to meet her and I feel very confident in her abilities and am excited to see the final product. I also appreciated that she did not get carried away with editing the photos. Simply enhancing them is what I want and capturing our day and families.

Darren has almost finished the full bathroom- it's going to be amazing! Taking a shower has been so relaxing. Once it is completed I will post photos.

Also, yesterday at church the pastor spoke about doing a good deed this week. Whatever pops into our head that is a good deed we are to do. I have not thought about it too much but Darren had me pick a room when I got home, I picked Malissa's room. So this week he is going to clean her room. Exciting! It will be nice to see the floor and the space. I am not sure what my good deed will be although I did pick up some more turkey before the next scheduled grocery trip & an Easter treat. Any good deeds that you have done? Or someone has done for you? I will let you know what happens.

Goals

For awhile now I have been thinking about my goals, the things that I want and will get to do in the coming year. I am not sure if they will all be reached but I hope that having a daily reminder will help in achieving them.

• get in to shape and tone up- part of our Christmas gift from doc is a team bootcamp for a few weeks with his personal trainer and I intend on finally joining a gym
• spending more time with our families
• Get my sisters to email more often so that I can see photos of what's going on with Tegan and as Edina takes on her last semester of high school
• teach my parents how to use their email- mom can YouTube all day but that's about it
• finally decorate Darren's house- photography and art will invade the bare boring walls
• find things to do that help me relax, and de-stress
• be more patient
• take on a few new adventures: I want to try indoor rock climbing for starters
• clean out my closet so that only things that fit and will wear are taking up space
• sunbathe- even if it's in the backyard
• read more books
• celebrate my families birthdays
• work on my family tree
• photograph more of my experiences- hopefully buy a higher quality camera
• continually set dates with my friends
• have gatherings at the house- before the 500 will probably be the first
• plan and execute this wedding

I am sure there are more things that I should do and hopefully I will, but this list will be the start.

2010

Some things that have happened this year:

*  Surviving my second after Brew fest activities with Chad and a wonderful group of men- getting relationship advice from men, and losing my bracelet made by Malissa
*  the birth of my niece Tegan
*  Gaining an actual title at work- Office Coordinator 
*  getting rained out at the St Pete race which made for 2 days at the track and wearing jeans
*  experiencing Universal Studios for the first time
*  Inheriting ducks as kids while at the apartment that showed up for dinner most days thanks to Darren
*  sharing an apartment
*  moving into Darren's house
*  putting 2 apartments into a house- it's still a work in progress
*  taking my family to the track for a tour
*  my third Indy 500, second with Darren
*  2 visits from Malissa; my visit to see her in Ohio
*  spending Easter for the second year with Darren's family
*  visiting the local pool, once
*  not realizing we were nearly in Canada until crossing the border
*  being proposed to in a hotel room
*  realizing the hotel pool was disgusting
*  having to wait 2 days before sharing it with family and friends when we crossed back into the US
*  asking a pit crew member for a team shirt
*  surviving slumber parties @ Chad's
*  a full grounds tour at the track and sharing it with Darren, his parents and grandpa
*  Celebrating the engagement with Chad and his excitement about being at my side
*  visiting Mansfield reformatory with Malissa, my first prison shoot
*  Celebrating my 26th Birthday with just Darren- realizing how much I like to have my family around for those
*  Our trip to California: my first visit to San Fran, seeing Dana and Josh, Yosemite and not thinking I was going to live to see another day, staying in a hotel that had NO hair shampoo so I washed with body soap, Korbel tour, and the Race where we shared a bottle of Korbel
*  A great engagement photo session with my cousin and his family
*  Having a mini break down in the dentist office as they are prepping me for a filling
*  Darren's parents meeting my mom- and being a nervous wreck
*  Going wedding dress shopping and thinking I was going to have an anxiety attack
*  Attempting to plan a wedding- In which Mrs. D has been so great with suggestions and listening
*  Some friendships dissolving and wanting to work on others
*  Finding THE dress with Jess and no stress
*  Getting Save the Date photos out to our family and close friends
*  Asking to elope in Vegas for the millionth time-  Darren  has not caved in
*  Seeing ND football with Darren's friends
*  Playing the Wii in our own family competitions
*  Realizing my niece is growing up so fast
*  Having my relationships evolve with my sister and friends
*  Beginning orthodontic treatment- its been hard in regards to food do's and dont's but in 12 weeks seeing such a difference
*  Having phone dates with one of my first College roommates on a weekly basis, but then came the holidays
*  A few trips to see Shana and the family- with Halloween pumpkin carving being a big hit again
*  Realizing that I have changed and how I want to be a better person, less OCD, and that I have grown up
*  Making so many desserts for my Mom's 50th Birthday/Thanksgiving
*  Being sneaky about Darren's Christmas gifts
*  Finishing another semester of classes
*  Being able to go to Phi Mu Alumnae events
*  Seeing Wicked for the first time and loving it
*  Realizing we did not mail out Christmas cards and not worrying about it- life's crazy
*  Taking a bath in our home for about 5 days straight, then showers while away for Christmas then a couple more
*  Getting a whole different hair style
*  Hosting our first Dinner party for my co-workers and their significant others
*  Living in a construction zone since May- but its getting there

I am sure I missed other things but these are some of the few things that stick out in my head and that were captured.   It has been a year of ups and downs and laughs and break downs on my part but realizing how blessed and Loved I am and that life is a work in progress. 

I have quite a few goals and things I am looking forward to in the year to come- more on that soon.

Things that have happened

Some things that have happened since my last post:

*  I found a photographer and will meet with her in January sometime to see her portfolio and get details
*  Another semester of class has been completed
*  I got to see Wicked and it was great, an awesome gift- to myself
*  Took baths for a week straight due to our full bathroom being torn down for the tiling and such
*  Stayed up way too late baking and getting things ready to see our families and then sleeping in and being late to work (mind that this was a 6:30am start for the office and not the regular 8:30)

*  Got to take a shower, my first in a week

*  Managed to forget items at home when we headed to the Bend

*  Time with my family: my niece Tegan was slightly more excited about the tissue paper than her gifts BUT grandma knocked it out of the ballpark with a Build-A-Bear, her face lit up so fast it was great

*  Found out that Tegan can blow kisses, she is 10 months and this amazed me, she also made a fish face, got angry about being dressed, enjoyed the cookies that grandpa bribed her with
*  We played Wii once again and I was almost the tennis champion and only had to defeat Darren, thanks to Eze and his distractions I lost
*  I got little time with my extended family as they came much later than anticipated but It was great and mostly relaxing

*  We made it safely to the W and got a decent nights rest before Christmas Day

*  I got to take my second shower
*  Relaxed, helped Mrs. D with her iphone, then everyone arrived for lunch
*  I got to see Toy Story 3 for a second and third time, I fell asleep towards the end but Carter came to wake me up and it was funny to see his excitement about how I missed the claw (there are games on the link)
*  We saw the boys tear through their gifts, Chase gave us quite a few full sentences
*  And then we came back home, this time I stayed awake- we opened our gifts and Darren prepared his autograph items for the next morning
*  I have since mostly laid around the house, cleaned what I could with all the various construction items around the house its not as easy as I like or even as clean as it should be
* Its cold out and I do not want to face it, we did go see The Tourist last night- it was good

Here are a few photos from this Christmas

 Tegan likes the camera, wanting to see the image after it was taken and then she would kiss the screen of her photo.  She also climbed on Luz(mom) for the cookies she had, and she got angry when she pulled them further away.  But of course my sister gave in.

The girls

 Dad, grandpa and Eze.  Tegan giving her bear kisses.

 Edina took care of Tegan while mom and Luz went shopping, she made her a bottle and I wrapped her up on my lap, she was out before we knew it.  But woke up in a good mood.  On the Right she is blowing kisses- I have a short video but I will have to see if its possible to change the image upright.

 Darren was tapping his foot and Tegan came and nearly sat on it and she would hold his foot, then move it and then grab his foot again.  Tegan also enjoyed her sippy cup that we got her.

 It was fun to see the boys ready to open each gift, they would get one open and the next would come.

 At the end of a busy day the boys came down to see the movie and they were relaxing.

Some things to look forward to:

Having co-workers over for an end of the year gathering later this week, just hope Darren can get things done as he planned on

Seeing Jess for the first time in 2 months, she is engaged and this will be interesting as she is in our wedding

We start pre-marriage counseling in January: I am interested to see how this will help us

Meeting the photographer

Figuring out my vacation days for 2011-Darren has planned on a few weekend getaways that will mess with everything else on my schedule

Possibly joining a group at the church for engaged and young married couples

Planning this wedding: we need suits and tents taken care of soon: can we still go to Vegas?!

Setting atleast a once a month get together with Darren's sister and her family

To see me slowly lose it with too much stress

Wonderfullness

This week has been a project filled week in our home. My dad came into town Sunday afternoon and stayed until the plumber left on Friday afternoon. In the time he was with us 2 of our bedrooms have bi-fold closet doors, the door for the hallway closet and basement have been replaced, about half of the tiling for the full bathroom has been laid and some insulation on the outside wall. It's been a lot that both my dad & Darren have been working on this week. Last night Darren was on his own so I heard a little bit of frustration as he tried to level the tub and trimmed cement board for the 3 walls surrounding the tub.

It was really great to have my dad here with us, he did what he could by himself while we were at work and then the progress would continue with Darren's arrival from school. I made dinner a couple nights when I got in and we sat down to talk and eat.

Darren has a little bit of work in front of him to finish up the bathroom and make it useable. We already have our color picked out for the bathroom, and tile for around the bathtub. But I know it's a lot of hours to get things set and dry before we can use the room. Although I may have to take a bath, if he will let me, I still have to stay clean.