Moments

You ever have a moment? A time that holds you back even though you try to let go, a part of you just wants to have the release of sweet emotion but it comes out in partial small tears when all you need is a chance to just let it all out in crocodile tears. I had those moments on Wednesday the first day of August, yes more than one.  I turned a year wiser, more appreciative, blessed, loved and as of recently-overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed by the great and unexpected blessings in life that I have been given.  I am in great health, have an amazing husband, parents, in-laws, siblings and friends.  I am constantly touched by the memories, love and words that my family use to bring me to that moment.  

In the shower I had my first chance to let it all out but it did not come out of me.  I was thinking on and praying in thankfulness for all that I have in my family, everything else is just extra.  My mom called me on my way to work and just not being with her and my immediate family makes it hard on my day. But mostly just the overwhelming appreciation and feeling of love that is between a parent and child- no matter what we have gone thru. 

A friend, Amy, sent me an app card if you will, just the words and the love that comes with it.  To be remembered always feels good on special occasions. 

One of my aunts that I grew up with sent me my annual e-card.  She recalled a moment when I was just a baby, something I would never be able to recall, and the thought of her protection over me brought me to wipe what tears came out and swallow the rest as I was in the office working.  

Darren always makes my days better, his thoughtfulness, my choice dinner, and he even picked up a giant cupcake for us to enjoy.  

It was a great way to end the day.  Soon I will get my goals for the next year together and jotted down.

Vows

Our first date, a walking tour of downtown Indy and an Indians baseball game

June 2008

A year ago we embarked on a journey to be together or the rest of our lives, to enter the "institution" of marriage and know that we both believed that this was the beginning of a lifetime commitment to each other. Having completed pre marriage counseling a couple months before, I had felt much more confident in our decision to become our own family while also joining together our seperate friends and families as a support system in the walk of life.  Marriage had become such a foreign concept to me after I moved on from my first love, I gave up all the dreams because I did not see them for myself without this person and instead moved away and forged on with my desire to be a career driven woman with the option to date freely and enjoy my life in a whole different light.  To live for my career and not for Love.  Years passed, I met Darren and things changed, and I become more open to different commitment milestones, my desires had shifted and I once again became open to being loved and loving whole heartedly.
This past week all I could think about was our ceremony, the actions, words/vows, thoughts, and knowing that we were being held up by some of the great family and friends in our lives.  The day is such a blur, so much goes on from the beginning of the week to the days after but I never want to forget those vows that I made in God's, our families, and friends presence.  We changed the vows slightly to fit us and what we felt.

Our Vows

Darren and Bea, as you contemplate the making of your vows to each other, realize that from this day forward your destinies will be woven together.  Your joys and struggles will not be known apart from one another. Darren, repeat after me. I, Darren, take thee Bea, to be my wedded wife - - - to have and to hold - - - from this day forward - - - in sickness and in health - - - in prosperity and in need - - - to love and to cherish - - - so long as we both shall live - - - let my heart be your shelter - - - and my arms your home - - - to this I pledge you my faith.
Bea, repeat after me. I, Bea, take thee Darren, to be my wedded husband - - - to have and to hold - - - from this day forward - - - in sickness and in health - - - in prosperity and in need - - - to love and to cherish - - - so long as we both shall live - - - let my heart be your shelter - - - and my arms your home - - - to this I pledge you my faith.

And one of my favorite parts, the Sand Ceremony.  I was very elated with the words that had been used previously and kept all parts.  To see our glass heart filled with sand, the white reminding me that God is our foundation and that I should always lean on him for guidance in our marriage.

Sand Ceremony

Darren and Bea will now come together for the Mixing of the Sands.  Just as Jesus Christ is the Lord of their lives and the Rock of their Salvation, He will now be the solid foundation that holds their marriage firm.  This is symbolized by the white sand in the bottom of the bottle.  Darren and Bea both have sands that symbolize their individual lives.  As they pour their sands together, it shows how their lives – once separate – are now becoming intertwined as one.  Just as it would be impossible to separate these sands once poured, their commitment shall make them inseparable as well.

Its a day I never want to forget.

Aghhh

That was not a good aghhh, more like where have the days gone, what have I been doing, what needs to get done as summer is halfway over and there has been a whole bunch of busy. Our weekends flying by with little to no relaxation. Without a doubt still wonderful memories made and great experiences but a busy first summer leading up to our anniversary. We have had our 6 month dental cleaning, plenty of appointments, lots of working out, plenty of running, plenty of dinners cooked by Darren, a gathering with girlfriends from high school, house renovations and messiness, Darren ran a 6 miler in the humid, hot morning, and then there was Toronto and it was great. Toronto brought a tasting at my favorite winery, saw a new place, and then time at the track. Then the little, rolling around in car and bed to sleep before work early Monday. This past Saturday I had a day alone at home, and it was very productive. I may have skipped my nap but I got a lot done, incluiding an early morning run, house cleaning, shopping for house needs, getting Darren's anniversary gift together, and catching up on dvr. I slept pretty well hat night knowing that I accomplished a lot, and saved some money along the way. This past Sunday I had another emotional kids service if you will. At the end of VBS the kids perform many songs that they learned throughout the week. Last year I got teary eyed thinking about my childhood, family and all the times I spent in church with my cousins. This year it made me long for a little one and our own little family. When we finally get to the point that it will happen for us it will be so exciting to share our lives, beliefs and values while forming a little ones life to be a great follower of God and making the most of their lives. So much more to come, wedding Saturday,anniversary dinner next week and projects wrapping up as the summer winds down. Ps I also tried some a different wine, cheaper ice wine, almond milk and frozen Greek yogurt. A lot of new stuff that I never would have thought that I would like but great additions to my every day meal/snack choices.

340 days

We started our marriage with prayer and then a holler of relief escaped me as we exited the sanctuary.  We had our favorite foods as part of our reception dinner, an after party at our home with our closest friends. Our first day as a married couple started with opening our gifts, making a list and writing thank you cards to send out.  We had breakfast at a local diner with Gina at our side. Since our wedding day together we have experienced lots of laughter, struggle, driving, stress and are still learning to compromise- putting our marriage first. If you know me/us, you will know the importance of marriage in our lives. The commitment that we made and continue to make everyday to put our relationship first.  It can at times feel very refreshing to know that through all the years, the growth and different experiences we each have been through we have the same values and mostly same belief standards.  Even with the age gap we both still believe in family and what it means to us.  I definitely do not believe we have the perfect marriage or believe in perfection even but our desire to put our differences aside, accept each other, love unconditionally and root it all in the belief that God has brought us together for a purpose and it is him we should lean to for guidance.  We both stated that divorce is not an option before we talked about marriage and shortly after we conquered all the other important subjects and how we each felt.  Letting our limits become crossed but knowing that is all for the greatness of a blessed and openly communicating marriage and relationship, sometimes it was even coming to different profound realizations that have helped me through some of the harder topics.  Even with the rocky start to our year I know we can open up and re-evaluate our needs, allowing ourselves to reach out to each other so that we can continue to move forward.   Marriage, a beautiful thing even when we have to: drive 15+ hours for spring break, struggle with differences in habits, walk miles just to sit in the sun to watch the races, learn to become more patient, ask for what you need, find a stress reliever in weight lifting, running, singing, do laundry for the millionth time, pray for patience and understanding on an almost daily basis.  I am looking forward to the fun, ups, downs, surprises, to continue to be the constant encourager and supporter of my husband.  This is part of what marriage is to me, I know some parts will evolve and I will have my moments but I know we are both in it for the rest of our lives.   Also I am feeling pretty awesome about my anniversary gifts that I am coming up with- this excites me.  The thrill and anticipation of the surprise in store.

Reunion?

10 years have passed since I left high school, and there I was ready to take on the future loving every mile that got me away from the town of not enough. I had dreams and aspirations of becoming more but then I had experiences, loved and let go, went to 3 colleges and figured out who I was and how I fit into the plan laid out for me. College was the greatest experience for me, like some this time is where we find who we are, learn to stand firm in our beliefs and test the boundaries we were given. Now high school, it was the right of passage, everyone has to go thru it and we make the most of it, there are a few things that stand out that made it worth the while, teachers that made an impact and coaches that made each day better. Do I go back? My close girlfriends I still see, do I join them or just let it be? A lot has happend since I walked across the stage and out the doors. I don't want to regret this one time opportunity but also know how much I have grown up and see how little others have.

On a search

We are just over a month away from our first wedding anniversary, and as fast as this last year has gone it cannot be summed up very easily. We faced adventure, long drives, flights, shopping trips, a tough start to a new year, and lots of laughs. Now I think of myself as a decent gift giver and with our first anniversary I have to come up with something memorable. I put this stress on myself because Darren is so hard to shop for, he is the man that buys what he wants and needs, does not give many hints making it that much harder. Trying to use some parts of the classic anniversary gifts, keeping my ears open to what Darren might say. I think I have a few ideas but want to make sure my streak of great ideas does not hit the fan on this special occassion. I looked up some ideas from other people online, mixed with some of his hobbies and hopefully I can come up with something great. I will let you know how it goes.

Finally, s-z

S- Silly, happens a lot in our home making our days lighter T- toilets are just as bad as dishes, but it all still has to get done U- umbrellas, I have plenty except with me when I need one V- victory at the end of a challenge is what I look forward to, whether is a post work out great inner feeling or a task that takes more time in the end it's all worth it for that moment of joy W- water is my main source of relief from becoming parch, goal of 64 oz a day is what I am for although the weekends are the hardest for me to get it all in X- marks the spot  Y- I can yap, yak, yelp- gotta catch myself in those moments Z- zits are not welcome, zest of lime can be a nice touch to some foods

Where did the time go?

About four years ago, Memorial day weekend Darren and I met. At the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the 500 Indy car race is what brought us together. Our singleness, being the odd one out in our circle of friends that are all couples, and our past time of running. I gave Darren my number, my newness to the city, as I had just moved to Indy a couple months before, gave Darren the opportunity to show me around. And that how we began this amazing journey, we have grown, moved, been to a lot of races, still learning to live together, proposed to in a not so wonderful hotel room in Canada, engaged/planned a wedding/remodeled our home at the same time and survived the stress of it all. It's still just the begining of it all. But I still like to hear Darren's version of how we met and he thought that I gave him a bad phone number. It is after all his ideal story to tell when people ask how we met, it's been a fairy tale all our own.

N, o, p, q, r

N- nausea induced illness scares me, as vomiting grosses me out O- operation sneaky wife makes me giddy P- paranoia can sometimes get me going Q- quiet home is not always fun R- road rage can happen at times

I, j, k, l, m

I- indecisive, so I make choices based on 3 options J- joker, I try K- Keeper of secrets L- laughing at myself makes me feel human M- motherly