Growth

Ever feel lost and overwhelmed? Just overworked and before you know it the exhaustion hits you. It takes over when you least expect it to, when you think the moment has passed, the point of feeling lost has gone away- and then the moment of true relief comes.  It come in a teary hello, a heartbreaking well of tears.  The hugs and love that you long for are with you all along but you forget until you feel it squeeze and hold you up.  
That's the feeling I get when I have had a long, tiring day.  Even the things that are enjoyable can overwhelm me.  In the end it steers it's head at me and let's me know I have had enough.  I have met my match, emotionally & physically.  I have put too much of me into a more than me project.  I have invested more than I had to begin with, it's time to let it out & let it go.  
It's been an exceptionally tough week for me.  Fighting for who I am, want to be and the way I live my life.  
For as long as I can remember I have known what I wanted for myself-expectations, goals, desires.  I lived for me, my mindset has been on becoming a stronger, better me.  A me that was beyond the greatness that I knew.  So when life made a major detour and has become about more than just my future I found my greatest struggle.  Turning a me and my desires into an us and our plans.  I never thought about the what if's, I  was okay with imagining a life on my own and the freedom of picking and choosing what was good was a relief.  It's hard, even after 3 years, to think in any other way.  Some things come easy while choosing my battles has become a tough place.  Somehow at the end of it all I just need to feel the warmth, the human in me and realize that life is about changing, evolving, adapting, accepting, listening and loving.  It's the way to move on and grow.