Yes or no??

So a few weeks ago a girlfriend asked if I was having a bridal shower and although we had already talked about this I again said no and explained my reasoning.  It can become a stressful situation leading up to the day and until things get going.  My reasons for not having a shower and that somehow my mom was okay with are: stress, planning, organizing, location-considering that I would have to go to the Bend for this event.  No one in my family has asked, I do not know if they are expecting one or if they have not thought about it since life has been crazy and we have just recovered from Christmas.  And if the wrangle one up I blame it on my mom.
Nikki made me think about it, more than I had initially.  So I touched base with Malissa and let her know that it is on my mind now, yes it would be great to just have some girlfriends and get together- a social event.  (Although I am sure Chad would be up to the challenge I would not do that to him)  It would be good to have a small group of friends in one place and enjoy some time together.  (I only got up to 2 people on the guest list, mostly because I have been distracted but could come up with maybe 10) But I am not set either way.
Mind you the house would be the place and that means stress for me because I have to make sure it is presentable before hand.  I since this conversation have been attempting to weigh the pros and cons.  Darren is all about this, he is ready to receive.  Another thing is figuring out a date, Malissa can only be in town so many times, including this weekend.  Its a 5 hour drive and really when she is here I do not want to share her or make it about planning the whole time around this event.  The next time she will be in town will be for the race which is an already busy weekend for us.  Then the wedding.
Another thing is that Darren and I have opted to not sign up for a registry.  We are still in the process of putting his home/apartment and mine into the house.  We have a few needs but not like most engaged couples. 
I am torn because it would definitely be a great time with some friends and then not so much because of not needing to figure out the minor things to make it all come together.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Experiences to move me either way?  Malissa has to have the final answer by this weekend when she is here.  PS 3 more days!

I survived

This past Sunday I went to my first bridal show. One of my co-workers came with me and it was a good way to see what options are possible for the wedding. It was a slow start with some goals set it made it that much easier. We ate way too much cake, had some wine, and explored different options. Of course my main goal was to find a vendor for tent, tables & chairs. But none existed. It had plenty of options for photographers, catering, cake and flowers but not what I was on the hunt for. It was a good experience but some booths they kinda were after you, mostly people who were for venues, and it felt great to say yes and keep walking. I survived even after about 4 slices of cake.
This week we also had our first Pre-marriage counseling session and it went really well. A way to listen, talk on and reflect about the bigger picture. Making this relationship last and giving to each other. So even after all the nervousness I survived that this week as well.
Although I am still trying to make it through this illness, I woke up fine Monday morning went to work and then was breathing and it did not feel alright. Of course as the week goes on it gets worse. Feeling exhausted, painful coughing, slightly runny nose and a sore throat. I figured it was nothing and would come and go before the end of the week- but it did not. Finally I gave in and stayed home from work on Friday and went to the minute clinic. Needless to say I had contracted acute bronchitis, got some mess came home and slept off and on all day. Tomorrow will be day 3 of my antibiotic and I will venture out, not for long but enough to get me going. Plus being cooped up for 2 days is too much. Darren has been such a great sport, he spoke with a pharmacist earlier this week and got some OTC medicine, found salmon and a baked potato for my dinner last night and has checked in on me as much as another person can. I have been wanting my mommy all week but Darren has been very great at taking care of me when I am not 100 percent. Thanks also to Shana and Mrs. D for checking in, it has been a downward spiral of a week. Now I have to get better for when Malissa comes into town, 5 days.

thoughts

Today makes it 188 days until the wedding.  And while the house is still in the final stages of renovation I have been figuring out what am I going to do about this wedding, there are still so many details to figure out.  My next task is to figure out the best place to rent the tent(s), chairs and tables then figure out table settings, we still have invites and favors.  I am totally going with plastic table settings as we will be outside and I have no desire to rent those items.  Also today I will be attending my first bridal show- a co-worker of mine agreed to come along for the ride, and I anticipate to take in quite a few ideas and figure out my last vendors or at the very least have more direction in what we can do to finish up the major stuff.  I have been deciding about some of the minor details, in my opinion, deciding whether or not to order a cake serving set to cut the cake but we definitely will not feed each other.  I have also found that there are a lot of cheesy love/wedding things out there.  I received a magazine and liked some of the designs but then the wording was too much for me (two hearts, best friends, etc.), oh gag me!  Sorry I am not a cheesy person and I know that maybe at one point I was but then I grew up.   I need to get to my list of things that need to get done and what has been completed.  There are also quite a few traditional wedding things that we are opting out of and a couple I am debating on.  Traditionally you would have a Bible given to the couple, I am on the fence on this one so I think that if my mom does not say anything than we can opt out of it- I have issues with sharing.  I figure that since we are not doing a lot of the traditional things why should we have to do others.  There will be NO bouquet or garter toss, no feeding of the cake, no flower girl, no exchanging of the rings.  Heck my best friend is a man so you know this one will be slightly different. 

I think I am beginning to stress myself out so to change the subject. 

Yesterday we went up to Illinois State University to see a basketball game and got to see my friend Chris for a little bit, yes that was nice.  Mostly because its Chris and we made it out of Barton and he is finishing up grad school.  I hope to see him in May but if not hopefully at the wedding.  He is so great to talk to.

*My good deed for the week was cleaning up the snow in the driveway Tuesday night after getting home before Darren.  I felt sneaky, thinking he might show while I was shoveling.  But I worked up an appetite and felt great about myself.  This may not happen ever again.  I would have taken a photo but then I got inside and out of the boots to make my dinner.  I also ate 2 doughnuts-I figured I worked for them.

*I am counting down until the arrival of Malissa and then Chad and the rest of the men will be in town for winter fest for a 3rd year.  This means wedding planning and then a good night downtown.  I will also be celebrating Malissa's birthday while she is here.

*This Thursday will be the 2nd of 3 fitness boot camps that Doc gave the team as part of our Christmas gift.  I am still feeling this past Thursday's workout and am beginning to believe that wearing heels did not help the healing process.

*This Thursday will also be our first Counseling session- I am both nervous and anxious to see how exactly this works.  And what the homework will be all about.

*Its day 16 in January and we have yet to take any photos, we are slacking but that will change soon.

A new week

Alright. I have had a ton of thoughts about everything and anything. So much going on around me. Today I went to a gym, toured the facility but it just did not impress me. First of all it was packed.

Yesterday we, Darren and I, met with a photographer. I found her through a patient at the office and she had nothing but great things to say. Considering that I have been searching for a photographer since shortly after the planning started it was great to be led to a person who would have a great personality. It's nice that we got to meet her and I feel very confident in her abilities and am excited to see the final product. I also appreciated that she did not get carried away with editing the photos. Simply enhancing them is what I want and capturing our day and families.

Darren has almost finished the full bathroom- it's going to be amazing! Taking a shower has been so relaxing. Once it is completed I will post photos.

Also, yesterday at church the pastor spoke about doing a good deed this week. Whatever pops into our head that is a good deed we are to do. I have not thought about it too much but Darren had me pick a room when I got home, I picked Malissa's room. So this week he is going to clean her room. Exciting! It will be nice to see the floor and the space. I am not sure what my good deed will be although I did pick up some more turkey before the next scheduled grocery trip & an Easter treat. Any good deeds that you have done? Or someone has done for you? I will let you know what happens.

Goals

For awhile now I have been thinking about my goals, the things that I want and will get to do in the coming year. I am not sure if they will all be reached but I hope that having a daily reminder will help in achieving them.

• get in to shape and tone up- part of our Christmas gift from doc is a team bootcamp for a few weeks with his personal trainer and I intend on finally joining a gym
• spending more time with our families
• Get my sisters to email more often so that I can see photos of what's going on with Tegan and as Edina takes on her last semester of high school
• teach my parents how to use their email- mom can YouTube all day but that's about it
• finally decorate Darren's house- photography and art will invade the bare boring walls
• find things to do that help me relax, and de-stress
• be more patient
• take on a few new adventures: I want to try indoor rock climbing for starters
• clean out my closet so that only things that fit and will wear are taking up space
• sunbathe- even if it's in the backyard
• read more books
• celebrate my families birthdays
• work on my family tree
• photograph more of my experiences- hopefully buy a higher quality camera
• continually set dates with my friends
• have gatherings at the house- before the 500 will probably be the first
• plan and execute this wedding

I am sure there are more things that I should do and hopefully I will, but this list will be the start.