busy

Well this week has been quite busy, you may notice as I have not blogged since Tuesday.  I have been busy with work and then coming home to try study, and not give in to whatever distraction may occur.  I also try to make time for Darren and I, usually happening while we prep the food and have dinner.  Things are going alright, nothing comes easy, its just to continue to take my complete attention as well as time set aside and all that good stuff. 
I did so completely crash yeasterday afternoon for over an hour, it may have even been 2.  Of course this only came as I was just closing my eyes and the phone rang.  It was the ringtone that I use for everyone so I had to take a peek, it was Ashley and as I have been thinking about her I answered and we spent some time catching eash other up.  After that call I turned back around in the couch and the phone rang again but this time It was my parents ringtone which meant the call could be coming from the house or either one of my parents cell phones and with my sister a few weeks from her due date you just never know.  As I had spoken to mom earlier, I figured it might be her again. But when I picked up the phone it was Dad's cell and it was also him on the line, my mom has the habit of using whoever's cell phone is the closest or fully charged.  Dad wanted to know about my tax papers (my parents take care of that) and catch up.  I had not mailed them to him due to not making it over to the post office.  He asked how things are going, to update on my paperwork.  And as always told me to take care and a little secret for me and the rareity of "I love you baby."  I am my dad's baby, I think this happens in mose families, no matter how much we grow up our parents still see us as children.  And as I got off the phone I let Darren know it was dad, and of course Darren asked if Dad was angry (Darren asking and saying that people are angry is a whole other story kind of like his need to swat), and I responded that Dad is never angry at me.  Then it finally happend my maybe 2 hour nap.  It was awesome! Very much needed as I had plans to hang out with Chad and the guys while they were in town. 

The guys were here for Indiana Winterfest, which is a brewers festival.  They came up last year and it was fun to go out with them.  We had dinner at the Ram and I got to see Mr H, Chads dad and of course being complementive let me know that I was looking great, so it was 5 gentlemen and myself,  Dad headed back to the hotel as the rest of us then headed to Alcatraz for a drink, then Rock Bottom (or as Ray likes to call it Bottoms up).  Ray is his own story and I would not even know where to begin.  Now Drew and I had this amazing carrot cake that we shared last year.  So as we got situatedat Rock Bottom I ordered the cake.  I had not looked at the menu as I had picked a choice beverage that the waitress recommended.  As we are waiting, out come the drinks then she brings out this tiny almost cupcake looking but not.  She said that this was how they made it, they had made the cake in house and most people did not buy it as It was a huge piece, and we replied thats why you share it.  Drew and I were very much disappointed as it did not taste the same, the consistency was off and not so much carrot cake at all.  Appearantly the restaruant decided that it would be a good idea to join the fad of single person desserts, ps I hate fads.  After that disappointment we trecked over to the Wild Beaver Saloon, which is a bar and of course does not have to comply with the law and is a smoking establishment.  But here the guys met some firefighters, totally was complimented on for my fab Juicy Couture glasses, and also had a few life lessons on relationships from Drew and Mike.  This was Mike's first trip down with the guys as he did not join them last year.  It was helpful, I can take a males advice from the stand point that they are in the shoes that I may not always understand.  They gave me some insight as they both have been married for awhile and have the whole family thing going.  So I had a few things to think about.  Drew got us, myself and Mike, a Washington apple shot and it was actually delicious.  Not too much.  Then Chad and I seperated from the group to take a walk back and make sure we catch up on each others lives.  We talk from time to time on the phone and text but we always have great conversation and being that we are each others sound boards and best friends we had to make sure to just breathe our lives to one another.  It was a great night.  I will have to post some photos once Chad gets those to me as I took like 3 photos all night long, I guess I just got carried away in the excitement of hanging out with some great men. 

Life in Images

As one can imagine.  I/We capture a lot of our lives thanks to the wonderful technology of digital cameras, I like to say that I got Darren Addicted while he may have helped me in trespassing for photos.

These are from early October 2009, Darrens's Nephews.  It was our first experience carving pumpkins with them and hopefully not the last.  Not only did we get to spend time with them but we got to be slightly artsy.

These are from one of my favorite places around Indy, Fort Ben.  There is always something new to discover and they also have great paths that allow me to escape reality until Darren decides to speak.

And we enjoy traveling, Florida, Toronto Canada or Ohio to name a few places.  And even if it is usually because of IndyCar races.  Its still a great time and it was all in the enjoyment with the sun.
Its actually how we met, at the Indianapolis 500 May 25, 2009.  This is the ideal Darren story, it involves Indy Car while it may not be the story I thought I would tell everyone.  But it is and that does not make a "fairy tale" story but its our story.

Other things that we enjoy: concerts Top L is at the Indiana Fairgrounds and we got to see Jeremy Camp, Darren is a history buff so the top C and Far R are from Gettysburg,  Of course we enjoy each other, seen above, as I take a photo of us as we are leaving Gettysburg last summer. We enjoy my "babies," Edina and Eze when they visit even if we are a little boring for Eze.   We always try to make it out to the track, Indiana Downs is in Shellbyville and there we place a few bets.  One of my favorite past times, Football and to be more specific Notre Dame University.  I grew up on it, we all have our ND gear as well as my niece will soon have her Cheerleading outfit like my sisters had when they were younger.  I always look forward to my stadium hot dog and we always have great seats thanks to my folks as they are season ticket holders.  And of course if you come from my family we always like to celebrate everything and anything.  In the bottom R, my sister and Brother-in-law at their very casual beach wedding with my folks. 

There will be more of these kind of blogs because I just like capturing it all.

thinking

I think too much. Very pensive about anything and everything in my life. From the present situations with life, school, moving and so forth and then I caught myself at church today, thinking about aging. I guess it never really occurred to me until I was looking at an older woman of the congregation, not sure how old but I looked at her hands. I guess Hispanic people lose there color, there is a mix of light skin and almost like dots, different circular shapes that are darker. Is that what will happen to me, will the melanin of my skin just give up.
I am thinking about the next move, whenever it gets all figured out. I DO NOT like packing, DO NOT like carrying heavy boxes and DO NOT like getting re-situated. But it has to happen and in the end will make life slightly easier. I did decide that no box will be too heavy that I by myself cannot carry it. Currently I have been hauling about 4-6 different size boxes that my co-workers set aside. PS Magazine paper does not cushion the way newspaper does, go figure.
I am thinking about how I about to become an aunt, a biological aunt. How my sister's life is about to change drastically and she is excited. Plus we did buy all that great baby clothes in November anticipating her arrival. How my role is an aunt is going to be very different from the roles that my aunts have been in my life because we all lived in the same city and I grew up in most of their homes.
I am thinking about school. How I rush myself, I get anxious and not in a good way. I stress it and then over-prepare and also under-prepare. And what am I thinking, of course I want to do this for me but also I am 25 and still have yet to obtain the goals of greatness with the knowledge of my first degree. But they can be accomplished together and at different paces. Right?!
I am thinking that I do not want to get caught up in the things that other people get caught up in. I want to take each day and tackle it. I want to breathe easier and not like I am rushing through life. I want to multi-task without over-working myself. I do not want to find myself in a position of being burned out.
I am thinking about the best remedy for exhaustion when I cannot sleep well or can only take short "power" naps because that is all my body will allow me. And also the best beverage in regards to waking up. I rarely have caffeine or flavored drinks. Almost always with a bottle of water at hand. But that does not really get me going. Finding the best sleep cycle may help. Taking it easy, as it comes, and getting back to a gym routine may help it all. PS a new Ipod will need to be in the works with that as well. MOM!!!!!!

being a teen

I somehow came upon an old, old male friend. In my early teens there was this friend, there were four of us, my cousin and I and his cousin, and life happened and we lost contact, which was probably for the best anyway. I started thinking about how it was being a teen, a young teen. Pre-Driving teen. It was an awkward stage for me, like most I guess. It was not knowing what to do, being told what to do, how to dress, how to act, finding myself through others words. It was a tiring growing up constant cycle. I was kinda one of the boys which is hard to believe because I have so many more female cousins. It was growing into my body and what a teen was. I do not know how my parents felt about me at this stage because I was never a trouble maker. While I definitely had my moments, probably stemming from the fear of growing up. I also had an easy childhood. My parents have always been great providers but there were discussions that were definitely never came up and I feel into the role of seeing my cousins grow up. I spent most of my time with my grandparents, on my mothers side. I went everywhere, usually on some kind of vacation and church activities, as apa (grandpa) was a pastor. I grew up in the church, under a magnifying glass and expectations of my mother in regards to choices that pertained to being a part of the congregation while my father pushed me into my athletics but both expected me to excel in academics. With little guidance, neither one of my parents have a college degree. It was a whole new area but I knew it too would happen and we walked that walk. My parents, a few years ago.

I recall not being the closest to my mother, I do not know why as I always hear about how my girlfriends, most anyway are best friends with their mothers. There was definitely a lot of pressure. Difference being that my mother grew up with 10 siblings, there were different expectations in a time that was in some ways easier. But I LOve them, they made a great person, I like to think. They worked hard to provide a life beyond what they had and somehow they raised 5 children, 2 still at home. I grew up in a much more pressure filled society, my cousins that were my age did not have the same expectations that my parents had for me, they had a whole other set even if they in some ways overlap. I did not have the buffers of siblings/cousins my age that were held to the same expectations in the church and in life as a whole. I have always been close to my dad, he has been easier to talk to, while that may have changed in the last couple of years with my mom. He has been more calm, less criticizing and more constructive but also avoided the different conversations, maybe because he never thought he had to have them with me. I speak to my mom more now, like in college. I try not to get caught up in life because I know she too has stories, thoughts, feelings and wants someone to listen. It has been a roller coaster and right now we are smooth sailing. Even though there are sometimes I want to "divorce" her, give her space and myself time to think about what was said. She has had a hard time with us growing up and moving away and I think she also has a problem with sharing me the way I have a hard time sharing my family with others.

And I just love this picture of baby, Spring break in INdy with me 2008.

Being

There are times in life when I think about just being.  As in being a child again as I walked the aisles of toys and summer games at the local Wal-Mart.  To be carefree, run around wild and aimless, hang like a monkey, have super soakers, and the excuse of being a child.  Living for the moments rather than losing them in the chaos of life.  Singing too loud, I often used my hairbrush as my microphone but my cousin, Tamar,above R, used to use her hand as the mic.  You believed in anything and in my family you had to learn to share, hence the walkie-talkie that another cousin, Abidaih was entertained with.  There never had to be a reason to get together, it was a celebration of its own.  Where everyone could enjoy the most random activities, most if not all contained some type of food and the joy of sharing it with it others.    Then there were the actual celebrations, a family that always made a huge deal out of birthdays.  And while I may have come to my own conclusion of Christmas becoming better as I have aged and my own birthday becoming not as fun due to being away from my family I remember most of all the laughs, pinatas, food and cake. 

There was always happiness, always something to look forward to, an excitement, stress-free, fairy tale ending. A great love, to believe in love and love unconditionally without even realizing it. An innocence and never a need to prove one's self. To go about just like anybody else your size. To believe in the Land of Imagination. To Live.

trash Tv

On my list of bad but good things, like baked goodness and carbs, has to be Trash TV.  Tonight for example we watched The Bachelor, Darren kinda got me hooked as he realized there would be quite a few unexpected tragedies?!  I also enjoy my Friday and Sunday nights of TLC or WE tv full of wedding wonders.  From cakes, uber-ly expensive weddings, to finding style for your shape, staying on a budget and finding THE dress.  But I stay away from shows of full of crazy brides, as I cannot watch due to getting embarrased for them. I like my trash tv, while it may not be educational I do enjoy the style, ideas and appreciate the planning that goes into all of it. 
I know that I am not the only female that is not getting married that is glued to these shows.  Its just a great way to not think but to kinda talk back to the tv on likes, dislikes or changes that I would make.  Its fun.  Its thought-less as it is not for myself or anyone I know.  Its stress free.  Its a guilty pleasure.  And thats what keeps me sane in the crazy planned life that I try to lead.  Its Trash Tv, but so worth the time I have my bottom parked on the couch with a few blankets to enjoy it to the end.

a great weekend

So Last night I got to go downtown and see Love Letters at the IRT.  It was a great show and half the fun was getting ready to go downtown.  I laid out a few choice options for the evening trying to keep in mind the weather and it being so late.  And after a quick call to Malissa on my options I went with a Black pencil skirt, a basic Tee and blazer.  I know that dressing up a basic tee comes from the very need to jazz it with accesories.  As you can see to the left I got to wear my necklace that Malissa made and Darren purchased for me as a Christmas gift.  Then a blazer that is cap sleeve and has gold specks throughout.  And I got to wear patterned tights with my Kenneth Cole, Reaction line color blocked heels.  I Love dressing up.  The play was good, it was set in present time wtih a male and female that wrote letters to each other throughout their lives, inevitably they fell in love through these letters and meetings but were never together.  In the prologue the conversation consisted of how hand written letters are a rare and with technology no one really sends them.  I am glad to say that I still write a letter to my brother about every other week and when we go out of town we mail postcards back to our family and close friends, Go Me.  It was a fine evening.  My seats were in the second row and nearly in the center.  I hope to go and see another play in the near future and maybe next time a date to go and enjoy it with.

Today I had my class, that I actually have to go campus for.  After a hurried morning, mostly because I got off at the wrong exit but knew my way back to where the campus is located and made it on time.  It went well, took notes, and enjoy that I feel I am on the right track.  After four hours of lecture and lab.  I got home in time for lunch with Darren.  Tonight I also took my online class quiz and I got a 25 for 25 even after all the stressing over it I was very prepared.  Its a good weekend.

Oh, to live a rich life

So today as I was driving from work to Chik-fil-A for a late lunch I was talking to my best friend Malissa, we were discussing her shopping trip.  She was at Target and roaming around when I called her.  Malissa is pretty amazing, there is no argument there.  She was describing some items she had found and also an e-mail she sent to me last night.  We are artistic people and she seemed to find some great finds including a pair of "Malissa" blue loafers, as seen to the right, I LovE loafers and own a pair of red velvet Michael Kors.  They are statement pieces.  Then we started talking about my sister Luz and her Baby shower tomorrow afternoon and how mom would like for me to be there, probably more than my sister as well as mom having some "Xenia" (I go by my middle name with the family) withdrawl.  After all its been about 3 weeks since I have seen mom.  And of course I have that Anatomy class at the crack of dawn for 4 hours tomorrow so weighing the pros and cons.  It is after all a 3 hour drive one way and its not at my folks house but instead in Michigan City where my sister lives, then the drive back to INdy.  And I have a test for one class due this weekend as well.  Its a tough one.

This whole time while I was talking to Malissa and how she put more firewood in my kiln with an e-mail she sent me last night I began thinking while talking and driving. Watch ouT! (seriously I was safe) I have a friend, a truly wonderful friend who listens and how much that is a blessing.  Its a richness that is not monetary but very much for the soul.  Malissa can put me in my place, slap me back into shape (figuratively), also enjoys fashion, she can bring laughter and has a great personality that constantly and consistently takes me for who I am.  She also gives me a news update Sunday evenings when we talk while she is at work, taking her shift to get the paper out for Monday morning.

I guess I just have those moments of, WoW, I know this but I am blessed, my life has been enriched by the various people who share my excitement, joys, struggles, and laugh at me when I cannot find my own way.  I loVe it.  Of course there are very many people as well, my Folks, they always take care of me and let me have my time with them whether its talking and a movie with dad or shopping or staying in with mom.  They have given me more than I can even imagine.  I have a huge family and they each offer of themselves no matter the circumstance.  And tonight I get to go to the IRT for the play.  Another greatness, Darren, even if we will not spend dinner together I will get to have time to myself, get dolled up and then crash before class in the AM.
PS we had the infamous Chicken tacos last night for dinner

Its another one of those days

A simple day. But also it is Wednesday which means one more day of patients before the early shift on Friday then onto the weekend.  Or something like that as Saturday will be an earlier moring than a regular work day as It is the first day of my Saturday class which is 4 hours long.  I have been on the ball with my school work for the online class but I still have to prep for Anatomy on Saturday.  Its a nervous excitement.  And then the possibility of driving to Michigan City for my sisters baby shower, that is up for debate depending on the weather, the schedule with class and the 3 hr drive there then back home to Indy. 
Its been a pretty busy week at work.  So I am Uber excited about Love Letters at the IRT on Friday night.
Its been a blah busy day that will now be followed with a hot shower and then back to the books before some relaxation that is much needed. 
How do you get rid of the winter blah's?

Classes have begun

So, late last night, too late, I went online to see if anything had been posted for my classes on blackboard.  Not only were they finally up but they also had the whole semester syllabus posted.  Quizzes, assignments.  Tonight was an easy night for studying, and everyday I am sure it will become a little more difficult and challenging but this is a nervous excitement and to do something better for myself and in the end my man friend, family and myself will reap the benefits of the hard work.  SO here I come, a second time around but I again will do all I can, take the time, effort and enjoy it to the fullest.  Lets just work to avoid any anxiety this go around.

Photo by Darren @ Thunder Island 2009

I am also excited because one of my cousins is also taking classes this semester.  His Freshmen year and I want the best for him.  He is great and as he has grown up we are closer.  I am looking forward to his progress and any guidance I may be able to give him and hopefully in a few semesters he will be heading out of South Bend and away from home to a campus where we can come and visit him, take him out for a meal, catch up and maybe cause a little trouble.  Although Darren likes to tease him about Ball State and it goes back and forth I hope a private school out of state is in his future. After all we do Love to Travel.

Photo by Myself of Darren & Jaja, Christmas 2009

PS. We had Hot Turkey sandwiches on pita. and a Turkey Dog. YUM!

Delicious-ness

Of all the things that Darren and I make for dinner more than half contain chicken. Tonight it just happend to be Chicken Nachos. Season and grill, arrange chips on a pizza pan, shred chicken, add cheese and bake in oven for melty goodness.

It was good!

hit the spot and of course one of Darren's must meals.

Simple can taste delicious.

Ps Darren just "Yes" (with the hand motion about my

blogging on tonights dinner.)

Now onto dessert, Brownies with Semi-sweet Chocolate chips. Tomorrow night, NO chicken. We will see if I win.

just thoughts

Life is full of "where did that come from?"

Full of "are you sure?"

"would it really be the best?"

And then there are moments, that are full of thoughts, full of "Where does that put me?"

"Is this what I am ready for?"
"Where is the compromise?"

"Do we both win?"

And by win, its not a prize but an opportunity where all parties are completely happy with the decisions made based on a number of variances.

I do not like to disappoint, I also do not like to step on peoples toes/beliefs.  Especially when it a person that is just outside of  understanding me.  We each have a right to be heard and respected. 

I ask myself a lot of where, what, why questions to ensure that I have made the correct decision for myself.

Another thing that I do not understand is dreams.  Especially when random people from your past appear in them and say nothing.  Remembering them just as they were as if nothing has changed with them but in reality they have, we all change with time, circumstance and desire.  Whether that desire is professional, internal or otherwise we change and mold to our surroundings. 

I know that I changed as I met new and different people who made me more open to becoming more open with my thoughts and being heard.  I changed as I realized what I wanted for my future, old friends coming back and helping me realize the person that I can be, being exposed to new experiences.  I changed when I found a different type of sisterhood, lifelong relationships.  I finally knew who I was as I was finishing up college.  I knew what I was capable of and what I would being okay with and other things I knew/know I could/can just walk away.  And now as I am enterning a new phase in life, my adult life, I am somewhat stubborn.  I am stubborn because I like the me who I am and that I know what I want from myself.  But its not about myself all the time, obviously, I can compromise.  But am I compromising or am I settling?  With compromise I find myself losing, losing myself and who I am.  Is this the continuous cylce of life?! Cause it is exhausting.  This is one of those moments where I need Malissa to say she is going to slap me.  Or Chad to make me think about it in another aspect, Nikki would talk out parts with me and Brittany would probably raise her voice and shake me.  Just to bring me back to reality.

Day 3

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Challenge

Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today.”

I just got to read this, so I will be combining today and tomorrow's challenge. I still like this whole challenge idea, and although I am doing this by myself I want to use it in my everyday life. Eventually I will be a life partner and I want to be the best for that person on a daily basis.
Also check out the K-Love blog, I got to hear the videos on Texas Quarterback, Colt McCoy.  It shows that being thankful comes from anyone. 
In this year I want to be more firm in my beliefs and possibly contribute to my church, monetary is something I already do but I want to contribute of myself.  Although if you know me, it can be uncomfortable when I had such a routine and had been a part of a congregation that was mostly family.  I need to change that about myself, to an extent.

Just by chance

I was looking over todays Love Challenge and just happend to receive and give Kindness and Patience. Patience was yesterdays challenge, and with each day the previous day/s challenge is added to the current day. I was not able to hear todays challenge on my way to work as I had been pre-occupied with arriving to work in a timely and safe manner.
Through the morning the snow had accumalated and the trucks could not get the roads cleared up and I had to be patient on my way as I was going about 30 mph on 465 when I usually go about 60. And when it came to lunch time, I did not take any in, and was not too pumped about having to head out in the snow that was still falling a co-worker shared parts of her meal and we ransack the fridge. I ended up eating a banana, applesauce, goldfish, cashews and I had about 3 bottles of water to make it through the day. I also had to call in on my ticket for tonights showing, we are to receive more snow through the hours I would be downtown, a lady helped and waived fees for a seat upgrade to next Friday's showing and for changing dates as I purchased the ticket with my gift certificate. Towards the end of the day, the last hour and a half of patients either came in early or were rescheduled, Dr went out and cleaned off our cars while we were finishing up in the office. There were 4 of us lovely ladies with him today and he cleaned his car plus ours. Again I received. On my way home I realized I needed to stop by the bank and called Darren about dinner plans, and I picked up some Little Ceasars and breadsticks. I finally gave today. I do a lot of little things in the office but this one topped our night, as I got to share it with my Love.
So far I like this challenge especially since some are just habitual and also a reflection of how wonderfully I was raised.

woo woo

So after much delay and the opportunity to get out of work early, after getting the okay with Dr this morning I went to take care of my school payment. Thank goodness the line was short and it only took me about 15 minutes or so. Although no one could help me with getting information for 2010 academic calendar!? I want to know when spring break is, its kind of vital that I know as I need to prepare for Florida in March,get the days off from work and schedule a flight if necessary But one step closer to being ready when I start my classes next week. I am only taking two classes, Anatomy and Physiology and Medical terminology which will be an online course. Anatomy wil be on Saturdays, bright and early for a 8am class-12, plus the drive which is about 30 minutes. But I am excited. Just have to get my ID, I refused to get it today cause I did not have my face on. I do miss the easy days of being a tradtional student, it was easily/already taken care of but now I am on my own. Thanks to my folks I ordered books earlier this week. I am ready though. Its exciting and look forward to meeting some enthuased people ready for a new field in life.

Also must note that I made a delicious dinner. Darren was making the quesadillas went to sit and play on the internet which meant he was not watching them closely and burned them. SO he had to make a second batch as the first look to crispy for my taste. But the steak, made hispanic style, red potato's, made ala Zip & steam bags by Ziploc which happen to be amazing, were delicious. Now onto dessert, homemade chocolate chip cookies made by me.

All in all a good day, also looking into this, will talk to Darren about it. Its created for mostly married people but also for any person as they said on the christian station K-Love the link will take you directly to the 40 Day Love challenge and I think this would be great. Todays challenge is Love is Patient. LOoking forward to what else is to come.

Thankful

It does not have to be November to realize that there are many things to be thankful for, God has blessed my family and I.

* Family
* Great friends like Malissa and Chad who put up with me
* Loving relationships
* a great bed
* letters from my brother
* soon enough a niece
* safe and healthy
* sanity, on most days
* a good paying job
* courage
* ruby is still running
* a patient, caring, loving Man Friend(key word being man friend)
* the ability and choice to go back to school
* choices in general, like being an elephant
* my OCD'ish tendencies
* traveling (March and Florida cannot come soon enough)
* parents that listen, most of the time but always care too much and worry
* a big family-they are always there and make you laugh when you think you should be crying
* to cook delicious meals, esp my spanish rice
* hot showers, but baths are better
* the ability to laugh at ridiculousness
* being a fool and not being too serious
* being different

Paranoia's

Most days I do not realize how many things a single person can be paranoid about. So here is my list:

* food on a bone, will not eat
* people driving too close to me, I glance at the rear view mirror a LOt
* the fat of meats, one bite into it and I am done
* capturing every moment that I can
* my bank account
* paying bills on time
* a toothpaste/hair free sink, clean shower, clean toilet-clean bathroom, clean house
* drinking a good amount of water in a day
* wearing my glasses at night while driving (Darren says that he will make sure I get lasic later in life)
* Food being cooked thoroughly/washing food thoroughly
* checking my e-mail & facebook
* about packing, usually extra even if it means a couple extra pairs of outfits including shoes
* Brushing my teeth
* driving too fast, i have already had 3 tickets but am ticket free 2 years later ( due to dad saying that he would not pay for another ticket)
* Being on time/early to places/appts, which means when its a church Sunday I arrive just as it is starting and make a hasty exit PS this is not my home church so it can be uncomfortable but I go to worship & learn.)
* making a great first impression
* being a great hostess
* following through on my goals
* my fashion statement, every purchase is crucial and needs to be a great buy
* pleasing the people around me
* how I sound when I speak Spanish to people who are not related to me
* my siblings being happy

Those are some of the big ones that come to mind

What makes you paranoid?

(The photo was taken by Myself on Mr & Mrs D's, aka Darren's folks, property in Wabash September 2008)

Attempting to find a new home

So, I am on the prowl for a new place to call home. Its hard, frustrating and even more, time consuming. I know that we, Darren and myself, would prefer if I did not have to sign a lease but there are not very many choices along those lines. And If I have to sign a lease I need to make sure a short term lease is also available as my new home is for a year a half before my next move.
I actually chanced upon my recent apartment, I was sick, it was close to where I was going to be working and had one day to find a place before I had to head out to NC for training. I have lived there for nearly 2 years, Jess joined me in late August of my first year and we re-signed last February for one more year.
Due to my job, it would be best if I could live on the Northern part of Indy, which can be expensive. Another goal is to try to save money during that time.
I am by NO means an expert on trying to find a place to live. I just want to live in a safe place, which means stay away from the East side of Indy. In fact the best place for the money is on the West side, which is 15 minutes from work. Although Rachel has suggested that we could find a place together, with her brother makes 3. I am waiting for Rach to contact me so that I have more of an idea of where to look to find middle ground that works for all 3 of us.
So the search continues...
Its also Sunday, and my "ritual" is to wake up brush my teeth then get on the computer to find new posts on PostSecret, It is a guilty pleasure of mine. I have one of the books and while in college we also had a Valentines PostSecret/Postcard sale to raise money for the Art Student League at my Alma Mater, Barton College. Where I hope my Legacy, my future niece, will go one day or at the very least be a Phi Mu like myself. Because Greeks do it Better!

Its Cold Outside

So today has been pretty un-eventful. After attempting to have lunch with Rachel downtown I ate by myself at Noodles Co. Then headed over to the IRT to have my gift certificate redeemed for a show. I am going to see Love Letter by A. R. Gurney. this Thursday night. This gift was from Darren and even though I will be on my own for the night I am extremely excited to see a show as it has been awhile. Well I had to walk from the garage to the restaruant then to the IRT which is a block over and down from where I was,I had on a wool coat, hat, gloves and scarf but that sneeky wind still made it through and hit my skin. It probably did not help that I wore my Sperry's without socks as that is how I usually wear those shoes. I was smarter on the way back to the garage, I went through the arts garden back through the mall and to Ruby.

It gave me time to reflect on a few things in my life. Like how foolish I was to not wear my Coach Boots and as I passed Kay Jeweler's how sad it was to let the Lady know I already have a copy of their magazine. I am a dork and it is okay. I also got to thinking as I avoided going into some of my favorite stores how much it bites that I am having a hard time with my clothes, as in they are falling off of me. I like to buy things that fit well and even if they cost a little more its the quality, fit and a staple item that I am willing to put out the hard earned cash. Well I have not done so in recent times, I also have a hard time storing some of my favorite items in hopes that they will fit again or as Darren suggests to put them in the Goodwill Pile. (I will blame the ability to hoard on my mothet, thats a whole other subject for another day.) And its not so much that I hoard things, really just clothes, I have a hard time parting with them as they used to fit perfectly. I guess the key word is Used to. My tops in general fit well, dresses have been replaced. Another item I cannot part with, dresses, if you know my family then you know why. They are timeless pieces that are at times paid for at full price, although I do look for great bargains. The hardest thing is that when I go to grab a favorite piece from the closet for church or an outing It can turn into a wardrobe mishap. I have ended up in tears, and Darren does not know how to handle me in that state, about trying on about 4 combinations of appropriate wear to church and nothing.
Nada, works out. It is in a way depressing. People can say " oh you are so thin," "how did you do it?" I do not know how I did it. I just kinda happened after college, It just started coming off. I used to have a curvy body, where my jeans would hug all the right places instead I now have a more straight boy figure. And I used to tease Sarah about her body, now I own a simiar version. (Sarah is another friend from Manchester, we used to go shopping together, one of our pasttimes, or I shopped and she lived throguh me.) I know this much, I am a healthier me, I eat better than I did in college, do not have nearly 2 dinners a night, do not drink as much, am active (atleast during the summer). Life changed a lot for me after graduation, not to mention that my parents allow me to be picky about what I eat and how it is made. I worked at a summer camp, took walks on my evenings that were available, then went home and worked the Pools and the Y where I spent quite a few hours in the pool as an instructor and on deck as a lifeguard. I always made time to eat. In fact I had 2 servings of Lasagna at Christmas eve dinner. I do not by any means avoid meals, I let people know that I am the type of Lady who likes to eat. I have 2 good meals a day, usually a breakfast bar in the morning and drink 2 bottles of water a day. All in all it bites the big one when your favorite pieces of clothing just do not fit correctly. This is what happens when I have time to think.

January 1st, 2010

Well we made it through a very nice evening. We basically had a 3 course meal, or to be more accurate a meal that had all parts, salad, sides and a good drink. Although the Tele was on during dinner we both recognized that it was a great meal that we made together. This is a normal occurrence. Darren got dressed and we got ready to head out to Holly and Mark's house. They had some snacks and we got to hang out and talk. They were telling us about their wedding plans and Darren was filing them in on his experiences with traveling and I guess might have helped in giving them ideas on things they had already started researching. I got to chat it up with Holly on things and she is happy and that is great. I get excited about things, she seemed to have it all together and that is good. They know what they want and have direction making it that much easier. You have to love our "family Photo," as we were attempting to find somewhere to place the camera so that we can set it on a timer. Darren and Mark seemed to have quite a bit to talk about. We had met up as a group about 2 other times before and Holly and I meet up every other month or so to get a drink or dinner and catch up. So I am most looking forward to spending more time with them as their schedule allows. Told Mark he should join Darren for autographs sometime as he liked Darren's stories of hanging out at the hotels trying not to get kicked out. When we finally made it home almost 1:30ish there was little time before we were out. I can be a heavy sleeper and as with most trips, fell asleep in the car. But it was good sleep.

This morning I was thinking about the resolutions that each had wanted to make, they were more like goals to do things that they have thought about but not followed through. With this I began to reflect on myself. I would like to join a gym again but really would like to work on other things. I can remember a time when it was easy to be patient but at times find myself irritated when I have to repeat myself. These things I never realized are small parts that might cause the stress I can feel from time to time. So becoming more Patient is on the top of my personal need to work on list. I will keep you updated on how that goes. I might need to write that on my mirror as an everyday reminder. I also from time to time think about what I am thankful for, it can be friendship, love, spare time, naps, time with my family, letters from my brother. Anything and I want to start my days or think about one each day/week so that I can remember just how blessed I am.

The oldest of my 2 brothers, Joel, and I mail each other hand written letters. I update him on life here in Indy and send photos while he lets me know about things on his end. Its refreshing and we both anticipate each others letters. Today I wrote a letter which will be mailed tomorrow.

I also have found a new author that I enjoy, Nicholas Sparks. While traveling over Christmas I finished Dear John, I am now about 40 or so pages to then end of my second book that Darren bought me for Christmas, A Bend in the Road. I noticed that in both books the male figures said they loved the other before the female. The books are also set in North Carolina, a territory I am familiar with since I went to school there and traveled to various parts while at school and spent a month or so working on Duke's campus. I never thought I would get into the books but the mystery behind them is what gets me, not so much the romance. And come on, how many times are you going to hear about a man saying the "L" word first?!

I said it to Darren first, it actually made me drive over to his place one late night, just thinking about it and pondering that I actually had very strong feelings for this man. He opened the front door thinking something was wrong and I said it and what happened while I was home alone thinking of course, I actually packed an overnight bag to head to my parents place up North had it not turned out so well. He said he had those feeling for awhile but did not want to say it as he thought it might freak me out. And it would have as I was in much denial, I have been there once and then had my share of flings between, I wanted to make sure it was for real and not infatuation. But it will be 2 years come May. Just need to work on my whole patience aspect as I also have to think about him and his feelings. But we make it every day. With our Good nights to close each day opening a new leaf the next day.