21

If my 21 year old self could see me now. I was thinking about this on my way home the other night and it made me laugh and smile. It made me laugh because I had this plan on how I was going to live after heartbreak, dating again and my ideas on it, my life plan and knowing I was about to take one of the greatest adventures on by going to school 12 hours away from home. I had embraced this headstrong personality that made me feel like I had the best life plan for myself. I was aboard my own train to greatness based on my outlook on life and what I planned to become.
If my 21 year old self could see me now, she would be slightly disgusted but relieved that I regained the ability to love another so deeply and unconditionally and allow him to love me back. She would grimace at the idea of planning a wedding, but so glad that we did not take it overboard. She would laugh at us looking at the price of items before purchasing, using coupons even if it got to the lowest price. She would worry for me even more than my present self does about starting a family. But also about the same things like being healthy, watchful, making time for myself and my family, not missing out on the greatness of life and living, losing sleep and all the what ifs that might occur that comes with the challenge.
My 21 year old self would be beyond proud that I have taken control of my health by being careful of what I put into my body while still enjoying my favorite treats. That even when I thought I hated running, as a grown woman I have found the outlet for my stress and anxiety. I would thank myself for being much more conscious of taking care of myself and giving it all I can to have a healthier body and finding my outer strength.
My 21 year old self would be glad that I resist the possibility to settle, that even though my dream career has not occurred I would see that it's okay to not know what I want to be when a grow up and even more that I am still holding myself to a higher standard and refuse to stop learning, growing and being challenged.
She would be so pleased that I did not lose my faith, that I am finding my way back to God and finding time to talk to him about it all.
She may not understand it all but she would be glad that I managed to forget how old I am, keep my morals, beliefs, values and maintain great realationships- she would be ecstatic that even though this is not my 21 year old plan or my 24 year old plan, this life is beyond wonderful, blessed, and in just about every way so much more better.