A break in the alphabet

To recognize the death that has come to me, not a physical death but an emotional and written death. Today, after much procrastination and thinking that if I let it be it would disappear and never be talked about again. But it did not disappear, vanish into thin air after so many months of not speaking of it instead it made me ruin my weekend thinking about it and made me sweat profusely today. I changed my name, I did not want to, ever, I wanted to keep on being me. And I know that I personally will not change but my identity has, the emotional tie I had to my given last name has been damaged. It's who I became, I finally learned to love myself and accepted who I became long after everyone else did. I was able to grasp how powerful as a woman I could become and the great strengths that no one else could show or give me. I now have two middle names, does that make me better than before? Or simply just me with an additional last name? Going through the motions and it's going I take quite a few glasses of wine. I loved me, the me that finally blossomed and changed, accepted, believed, took chances, the person that Darren fell in love with. I know more changed are yet to come and like this one, time, friends, laughter, and a glass of red will surely make it clear that it's the way it was supposed to be all along.