Another day

New Year's Eve started great, left work early to go to the Pacer game then rushing home to get dressed for a great dinner with friends.  We relaxed, enjoyed each others company, filled up with some hibachi and slight entertainment in the process.  It felt like it was going to be another chance at starting the new year off right.  Then to get back home and the anticipation of midnight died off as we realized that we all were a little tired.  With our friends retreating a couple hours to go before the first of January I realized how this became another year that was being replayed by a few before.  Just the two of us watching a movie, making it past midnight to go straight to bed.  No "happy New Years" being chimed from loved ones or champagne to drink, hugs and kisses to be given to those around, but instead we got washed up and in bed.  If I ever felt old in age it was this moment, occurring for the 4th year in a row, no loved ones to share the moment with that make it even more special, (to me, big moments/celebrations should always be shared).  Life has changed and not the way I  thought it would but it did.   Mostly this made me think, how was I going to change this pace, cycle, comfort/discomfort?  I need to make a change is all I have been thinking.  If this is a new year what am I going to make it about?  What will be my focus for change and fufillment?  I realized that even though I have many personal goals for the year and some that will roll into the years to come until I can reach them but I still want more for this year.  I want more out of each day, for myself, my marriage, Darren, career and social life.  I want to be greater than I am, then I thought this needs to be the year of happy.  Then I thought this year should be about us, Darren and I, a year for us to accomplish our goals, enjoy each day we have together.  To live it up for ourselves.  This year is going to be about us for me and about living in the moment.  I am looking forward to it as we take on new challenges and meet our goals.  Watch out 2013, I am here to live it up and not worry about the past but live up the moments we are given.