just thoughts

Life is full of "where did that come from?"

Full of "are you sure?"

"would it really be the best?"

And then there are moments, that are full of thoughts, full of "Where does that put me?"

"Is this what I am ready for?"
"Where is the compromise?"

"Do we both win?"

And by win, its not a prize but an opportunity where all parties are completely happy with the decisions made based on a number of variances.

I do not like to disappoint, I also do not like to step on peoples toes/beliefs.  Especially when it a person that is just outside of  understanding me.  We each have a right to be heard and respected. 

I ask myself a lot of where, what, why questions to ensure that I have made the correct decision for myself.

Another thing that I do not understand is dreams.  Especially when random people from your past appear in them and say nothing.  Remembering them just as they were as if nothing has changed with them but in reality they have, we all change with time, circumstance and desire.  Whether that desire is professional, internal or otherwise we change and mold to our surroundings. 

I know that I changed as I met new and different people who made me more open to becoming more open with my thoughts and being heard.  I changed as I realized what I wanted for my future, old friends coming back and helping me realize the person that I can be, being exposed to new experiences.  I changed when I found a different type of sisterhood, lifelong relationships.  I finally knew who I was as I was finishing up college.  I knew what I was capable of and what I would being okay with and other things I knew/know I could/can just walk away.  And now as I am enterning a new phase in life, my adult life, I am somewhat stubborn.  I am stubborn because I like the me who I am and that I know what I want from myself.  But its not about myself all the time, obviously, I can compromise.  But am I compromising or am I settling?  With compromise I find myself losing, losing myself and who I am.  Is this the continuous cylce of life?! Cause it is exhausting.  This is one of those moments where I need Malissa to say she is going to slap me.  Or Chad to make me think about it in another aspect, Nikki would talk out parts with me and Brittany would probably raise her voice and shake me.  Just to bring me back to reality.